by Christine G.

Created on: February 01, 2009   Last Updated: July 27, 2009

TIME FOR ME: WINNING THE STRESS GAME

Do you feel like your life is no longer your own? You lurch from commitment to commitment, hoping against hope that, if you just work hard enough, there will be some time for you to breathe, look around, and figure what your life is all about and what you want to do with it. You no longer have time to do things you enjoy, spend time with people you love, or rest for more than a few frantic minutes. Sleep is becoming more difficult, because you worry the hours away, obsessing about what you should be doing. You know that you can't go on like this forever, but can't see a way out.

Get out your appointment book. Clear a day for yourself.

On the appointed day, go where nobody can find you. Turn off your cell phone. Think about your situation. Make an action plan for three things that you are going to change.

"Clear a day?" you ask, horrified. "I don't have time for that!"

Yes, you do. If you had a heart attack or were run over by a bus, the world would have to do without you for a while. No matter what you think, you are not indispensable.

When people are under stress, they often try to increase their productivity by decreasing or eliminating activities that reduce stress. This is self-defeating. People who push themselves beyond reasonable limits become less efficient, make mistakes, and are not easy to work with. Sooner or later, an overstressed person will get sick, collapse, or engage in counter-productive compulsive behavior.

There are three basic kinds of stress:

1. Unavoidable life pressures. This includes death in the family, a new baby, a deadline crisis at work requiring extra time, financial disaster, divorce, disease, injury, and lousy weather. These are the turbulent rapids in the river of life, and you have no option but to get through them as best you can, with as much appropriate help as you can solicit.

2. Pressure from other people. Others find it convenient when you bail them out, do their work for them, or listen to them ad nauseam. They will use all kinds of emotionally-charged strategies to keep you behaving in ways that serve their needs. You have choices about how much of this stress you will accept. You can learn to say no, to limit your participation, to assert yourself, and to defend your personal boundaries. You can implement a decision to focus on your own issues, manage your own life, and allow others to deal with the consequences of their own actions.

3. Self-inflicted pressures. You

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