by Maria C Collins

Created on: January 31, 2009   Last Updated: October 17, 2010

Dating a married man is not a challenge, a game, or a dare. It is always an impossibly painful situation for everyone involved. It should never be undertaken lightly.

He tells you his wife does not understand him; you should take that statement with a huge pinch of salt, she may understand him very well. He may say he will leave his wife and children for you, he might and he might not. If he did, could you live comfortably with the guilt that he left them for you? He made a formal promise to her to be faithful; he is prepared to break that promise. You already know that he is deceitful and duplicitous, if he can lie to her about your affair, he could also lie to you. If he can leave her, he can also leave you when the next pretty girl looks his way.

A divorce is a matter of public record; you could be formally named as the co-respondent in a divorce case. What if the case were reported in your local newspaper? Your family, friends and neighbors might read it. Would you like them to view you as the scarlet woman?

Can you cope with his children visiting every other weekend? His children may even hijack your annual holiday. They will be in your relationship when they are not physically present in your home. Under English law, the second wife's income can be counted when reckoning maintenance payments for the children of the first marriage.

Do you want children? Does he want more children? Even if you both want children, will you be able to afford to have any? If you do have a child, what will you feel if your child has to go short because your husband has to pay for the children of his first marriage?

If he does not leave his wife, you will never be able to buy a personal present for him that he can take home and use because it would evoke questions. You will always have to wear a happy face when he is around,  he comes to you for light relief. You will never be able to discuss any problem or difficulty with him. Domesticity and problems are what he deals with at home. Your time together in consequence will be unreal, real love matures over time and it is wrought by happiness and sorrow in equal measure.

Some married men have serial affairs. They want their bread buttered both sides, fun and games with the mistress, stability, and security with the wife. This type of man will never leave his wife, but the wife might well one day leave him. Would you want him when she does?

Can you deal with the hiding that a clandestine relationship means? Dining in out of the way restaurants or meeting in country hotels. Ducking and diving to avoid his friends, family or work colleagues. When you fall in love, you want to shout it from the rooftops. He can never truly share your life. Could you introduce him to your mother?

You will spend all the important days alone Christmas, St Valentine's Day, and weekends because he will be with his family. You will always be the last in line. Do you really want to waste your life waiting by a phone which never rings?

If you cannot deal with all the above and more; then run fast in the opposite direction and find a man who is free to love you as wholeheartedly as you deserve.

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