by P.L. Hubble

Created on: January 31, 2009

I grew up in an alcoholic home, so my brother and I were with babysitters a lot in the evenings. Most of the time we enjoyed ourselves with these women. Then for some reason our usual babysitter could not watch us anymore, I think she went to college. Anyway, we found ourselves going to a new house one evening. This babysitter had some teenage boys so I believed we would have fun with them. Sadly this was not the case. They forced me to do naughty things for them, threatening to hurt my younger brother if I did not cooperate. I was very ashamed of myself, because although I didn't really understand what was happening, I felt the wrongness inside. For several days I kept silent, then when alone with my Dad, I spilled my guts. I know now that he and mom talked to the babysitter about it, and she promised not to leave us alone with her boys anymore. But I didn't know it at the time, I was 8 years old. Then one night, my parents dropped us off there again. I felt horribly betrayed. If my father couldn't protect my brother and I, I would have to do it myself. Of course as soon as our parents left the teenagers took me upstairs again, and once again threatened me. This time I had managed to convince my little brother to stay downstairs, so they couldn't hurt him. They did hurt me, but I did not do the unspeakable things they wanted. From that night on, I was a very serious, quiet child. I simply had to grow up early to survive and protect my brother. Of course I didn't realize at the time that my whole personality changed. All I knew was that I had to protect Mike. The next time my mom told me we were going to the babysitter, I refused to go. I'm sure there was crying involved, but I don't really remember it, this is something my parents told me many years later. This forced my parents to find another babysitter, one who was more responsible and enjoyable.

Then when I was about 12, almost the same thing happened again. This time the whole family was at a very small, country bar. Our parents made us play outside with the owner's son, who happened to be 14. My brother and I were both the smallest kids in our class, so this boy was much bigger and stronger than us. One by one he took us into a storage shed. I went first, not suspecting what he had in mind. Once again an older boy tried to force me to do bad things. This time I refused completely, although he twisted my arm behind my back and other physical punishment. When he finally gave up, he unlocked the door and

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