by Adam Wilkerson

Created on: January 31, 2009

Panera stuck me for $12.22 today... highway freakin robbery. Thought you should know... Not that good either... I think people assume its awesome because its so expensive. Ah, perceived value strikes again. I guess its warranted at times, otherwise, sad little lives are worsened by the fact that they just paid 6 dollars for mediocre soup. I might add that the vessel for such a culinary treat is happy to be dicarded in one of many strategically placed waste bins upon emptying. Not to mention, any self-respecting American that pays more than 10 dollars for lunch should never have to dispense their own carefully selected beverage. Then, they have the nerve to actually put that little line on the bottom of the credit card slip... You know the one... the one where they ask for even more money? Apparently, its proper etiquette to be so generous as to bestow gratuity upon the guy that mis-pronounces your name when calling you to your half greek salad and sourdough rejects. A-D-A-M. Its not that tough, dude. At least upon entering such an establishment one begins to feel... I don't know... trendy? Perhaps its the saavy working class with their blackberrys and macbooks updating their facebook profiles or discussing elaborate P&L statements utilizing that seemingly elusive WiFi connection. If my scattered memory serves me correctly, and it usually does, then that same super-highway of misinformation is accessible from... ...anywhere. Anyway, back to topic. Perhaps its my insecurity, or a life-long plaguing of unnecessary self-conciousness, but the minute I walk through that door, I can literally feel that I don't belong. I guess because I still use a PC, I didn't plant a tree on Arbor Day, or that my shoes went out of style weeks before I bought them. Who knows, but the stares of "What makes you think you're good enough to spend too much money on lunch?" go right through me. The menu. A turkey sandwhich with exotic mayo is still a turkey sandwhich. How arrogant to put "Bravo" on the end of it. Remind me to clap next time I order one. Wait, doesn't the word "bravo" have another meaning? Ah, why yes it does. Murderer. "I'll have the Turkey Assasin, please". I get it though, good for this yuppy group seeking out a truly healthy alternative to the otherwise horiible world of fast food, right? Thats laughable at best. My meticulous, menu disecting, healthy selection landed me twice, again, twice the calories of a very popular choice that can be found at the bottom of the highly scrutinized golden arches. Thats right, two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a sesame seed bun betterd the smoked chicken ciabatta atichoke french artisan.... or... whatever the hell its called in the "whats good for you" category. At least its twice the price. Oh, and that little pickle you tried to hide in the deli paper, you can keep that.

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