by Frank Butry

Created on: January 31, 2009

I have the greatest pet in the world. Really. Now before you as k what it is, please have an open mind, and don't commit me until you read to the end. I have a pet tarantula. Yea, a damn spider. And I love it and it loves me. I can see the love in all six of its eyes, even the little heart beating through its fangs and hairy body. I call the spider an it because I have no idea what sex it is. I will get into that later. You own a dog or cat? I did, foolishly. Now its just me and my weaving little buddy. Let me explain why its the best pet ever.

First and foremost, no noise making. The damn thing just creeps along in its little terraium, making no sound. Unlike a dog who barks at its own shadow or a cat meowing and purring. You can have all that, plus the noise of those nasty creatures running about the home. And fur shedding? Not a spider, no fur or hairballs. No worries about keeping it off the couch, it does not know what a couch is, and has no idea to climb it anyway. Chasing the mailman? Nope, can't see that far and could care less about another piece of mail. Crapping or soiling the carpet? Naw, I won't tell you how it goes to the bathroom, you would not believe me anyway. Go google it, I haven't the science to explain it. I really don't think you want to hear about it anyway. but, it won't go on your rugs or floors. ya gotta believe me on this one. For that matter, it does not go in heat. No one knows what it feels when its "that time", I can only imagine and won't write about that either because its gotta be grosser than the bathroom stuff. Speaking of sex, since you won't know what sex it is, any gender can name it anything they want, it won't matter, it can't hear you anyway, and besides, I figure it could care less. So once again, no family swquabbles about names. Another plus.

Feeding your pet is another hassle the spider eliminates. Just buy crickets at the local pet store, a buck a month for crickets, and thats it. Think about it, no more kibbles and rotting smelly food that the your dog or cat leaves. And the spider ain't fussy . They eat most any bug, and never mooch at the supper table. Again, I'm not sure it haas a schedule like we do, you know, lunch and dinner and the sort. It just eats when it wants. Hell, it has no conception of time and night and day, so once again, you have anothern advantage. You never have to walk it, buy a collar or let it run, it will never wake you at night or make you trip up when you are walking around the house, and it will never give you sad eyes for playtime. It has no playtime, and once again, its brain is too small to figure out whats going on around it.

Think of the great stunts you can pull with it, sure you can't teach it to roll over or play dead, but it can do one thing for certain. It can scare the hell out of your unwanted guests. Now imagine, if you will, some nosey neighbor or boring friend stops over. Secretly, you pull the spider out from the couch and tell them that you have lots of these things running amok, and the pest control guy can't get them all. One more good look at the spider, and they will be history. Never again to come and bother you as you sit and stare aimlessly at this beautiful creation.

So you see, I ntold you it was great. I can see Billy Mays now on TV soon telling everyone of the great features of having a tarantula. Just tell them I sent you.

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