by Imants Teobalds

Created on: January 30, 2009

I just logged onto Helium and saw this title. I don't know what kinds of feedback I am going to get from others in reference or response to this particular article, but when I saw "Free entertainment for children" I had to write.

So to delve right into the philosophical mack-truck size argument behind the topic, in other words, what would Weird Al say? I'll jump right in.

I could start by saying that children are always being entertained - by themselves, by their hands, their fingers, their fingernails and their lips. But that's not very philosophical. From a philosophical perspective I could say that since I am always writing deeply that I could be afraid no one will understand what I have to say. But, since that would be based on the assumption that my audience is stupid and shallow, I will deter from the road of false assumptions and not make any assumptions and just write from my bowels. (Bowels used to be the seat of emotion, and you need the right enzymes to help)

I hope I don't have to make an argument for why philosophy is important and just assume that my audience is smart enough to know that we are all philosophers.

Every philosopher must define his terms. "Entertainment" is a term defined as "that which holds the attention of". To entertain is to hold one's audience's attention. In my opinion, to entertain is to keep a person preoccupied with some form of media. The first I am reminded of is the computer. Hence I am sitting at a computer at this moment. Or in the words of Jeff Goldblum, "Now I'm sitting here by myself talking to myself. That's Chaos"... (quote from the film Jurassic Park)

The next term to define is "children". Children are anyone under 5 years old, or the emotional equivalent.

The final terms are "free" and "for". Now everyone knows that there's nothing 'for free' on this plane of existence. Just like everyone knows Adam Sandler is Jewish. And Macaulay Culkin stars in Home Alone.

Now that we have our terms defined, let's get more practical. (One thing you should know is that to philosophize is to define terms) So what is "Free entertainment for children"? It can't be television because that costs money. It can't be the movies because that does too. It can't be connecting to the internet through a home line connection and playing on the WWW because it costs money to connect to the internet at home through a modem (dial up), a DSL or a LAN (local area network- to play LAN games). So what is Free Entertainment for Children? Libraries are. Climbing trees is. Conversation (goo goo ga ga). Being chased, apparently, by the Mafia or the Illuminati.

So now that we've exhausted every part of the subject matter, I'd love to hear from you! Please drop a note, send me a message, and by golly, tell me how wonderful I am. (Vanity means splitting hairs, not looking at yourself in the mirror - teehee)

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