by Karim Sultan

Created on: January 30, 2009   Last Updated: January 31, 2009

A war is brewing, and the battlefield is your mug. Coffee is the juggernaut that has revolutionized the morning beverage, and tea is the falling Goliath. Opinions percolate, and teeth grind, but the water is boiling over on this one: coffee it is. Allow me to espresso myself.

There's no denying the appeal of waking to freshly roasted coffee. The scent of fine grind java beans dripping through into the mocha pot, wafting their heavenly aromas across the room... But waking to boiling tea? The screeching whistle of the kettle shattering your eardrums with no snooze button available?

How many screenwriters claim "I wrote my script at a Tea house"? Without coffee shops, there'd be no movie industry. Beatnik poetry would have died with Keats. As for technology, we'd be barbaric. Coffee literally flows in the blood streams of software and hardware developers. Helium probably wouldn't even exist if it weren't for Venti Bold with a double espresso shot. Tea houses? Bean there, done that. If I wanted scones, cubed sugar, and dried raisins, I'd visit my grandmother.

The average caffeine content of a small cup of coffee can be compared to many soft drinks, but a cup of coffee is so much more than that. Can you drink your Pepsi hot? Do you like to mix sugar into Mountain Dew? What about sprinkling cinnamon on Coke? As for honey - well tea drinkers can keep their honey. I'll give them that one.

In all seriousness, now that tea supporters are frothing, let's consider the health benefits. Coffee drinkers blink less, letting them see more during the day. Caffeine increases metabolism, allowing drinkers to eat more, in turn employing more in the baked goods industry. Increased energy ensures coffee drinkers are never latte for work.

Sure, tea drinkers can whine about "anti-oxidants", "polyphenols", and the benefits of natural decaffeination. But who wants to live for 300 years? Coffee drinkers live life in the fast lane: run hard, crash harder. That's what it's all about, baby. Can a tea bag be eaten, digested and excreted by a Luvak weasel, and then re-sold at a hundred times profit? I think not.

Tea drinkers may feel like they have just been mugged, but perk up! It's time to blend in. There is a better choice for the daily grind, and it is always seeking new converts: Coffee. So swap out your tea bags for some Java, it's a fair trade. Don't get mad: get steamed.

[Author's note: approximately 16 cups of coffee were consumed during the writing of this article. No tea leaves were harmed.]

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