by Barbara Armstrong

Created on: January 30, 2009

I have friends who LARP (Live Action RolePlaying). Dear, dear friends who LARP, friends whom I adore. I mention this for street cred, because LARPing is considered the geekiest, most extreme form of roleplaying, and because I'm about to tick off quite a few people:

Tabletop roleplayers? NERDS!

In college I was invited to a Dungeons & Dragons group. They played in the basement of a run-down house. Apparently crackheads and tabletop roleplayers gravitate towards the same environments. I don't remember much about the individuals themselves, other than they were bright, shy, and nice, and didn't seem to shower often.

The game struck me as deceptive. It was a bait-and-switch: Play a role! Explore and kill monsters and find treasures! Experience a story! The reality? More akin to wandering around with an empty crack pipe looking for a fix. There was a lot of pointless dice-rolling and a lot of the guy who seemed to be running things making up what the dice-rolls meant.

Leader guy: "You ran into a monster."

Me: "Can we go around it?"

Leader guy: "No. You have to fight it."

Me: "But you said my character was good at sneaking around."

Leader guy: "Too bad."

Other guy: "I lob a fireball +13 at the Menacing Silly Putty Monster"

Leader guy: "You can't do that."

Another guy: "I shoot it with an ice arrow."

Leader guy: "You can't do that either."

Me: "I put on my robe and wizard hat."

Leader guy: *facepalm*

I'm sure the nerds were well-meaning. I'm sure I didn't understand that "roleplaying" meant that they rolled dice endlessly and pronounced inexplicable developments and changes in the story. I'm also sure I didn't understand that any attempt by me at this "roleplaying" business would be shot down as not fitting their big plan for the story. The fact that I had no idea what the story was supposed to be wasn't important to them; apparently you're supposed to "figure it out."

The whole exercise had a haughty randomness to it. Since I prefer games with a goal and some means to attain that goal, I went to the Dungeons & Dragons session twice and never returned. An hour of World of Warcraft is far more fun, entertaining, and exciting than three hours of tabletop Dungeons & Dragons.

Online roleplaying games, on the other hand: another beast entirely. You mean I get to know the storyline? I'm not rolling tons of dice with no rhyme or reason? Advancement of my character follows logical means? No strange smells assaulting my nostrils? Sign me up!

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