by Karen Banes

Created on: January 30, 2009   Last Updated: May 21, 2009

Creating a long lasting and healthy relationship with your children is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and your kids, but often it doesn't happen effortlessly. Creating a good relationship with your kids is similar to creating any relationship. It requires an investment of time and emotion.

Before you have kids it's easy to believe you will have a perfect, trouble free relationship with them. In our pre-family dreams we are always that ideal family that gets along well, never argues, and spends unlimited, stress-free, happy times together. Is this an achievable ideal? Probably not, but there are some very specific steps you can take to ensure you have the healthiest relationship possible with your children.

Play together. This may seem obvious but in our fast paced, technology loaded lives sometimes we actually forget to take time to play with our kids, and play together as a family. Whether it's a summer afternoon game of pooh sticks, a board game on a winter evening or tossing a Frisbee in the back yard, remember to take time out to have fun with your kids. There's no reason to stop playing together as they get older, either. If you're still shooting hoops, going fishing or playing chess with your teenager, you probably still have a great relationship with him.

Eat together. Studies have shown that this is one of the most important things you can do to strengthen family ties, especially as children get older. Sitting down to a proper family meal, chatting about your day and what's going on in the world, is a really worthwhile way to slow down, enjoy your children's company and bond together as a family. Even if you don't have time to do it every night, do it when you can. It will be worth it.

Talk to them. Again, this sounds obvious but it's all about the way you talk to them. A good book on this subject is "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Try and keep lines of communication with your children open and natural and they are far more likely to confide in you when it matters. Talking about trivial things (like who's your favorite superhero and why) can be a great way to really get inside your kids' heads and can lead to some pretty deep discussions.

Be involved in their education. As your kids hit school age they will be spending over six hours a day away from you, even if you are a stay at home parent. Getting involved in their education is a good way to stay connected at this point.

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