by Mj Ferruzza

Created on: January 30, 2009

You have tried to be civil. You have kept most of this private. You thought you could handle the situation on your own terms. Now it has come to a point that you are not comfortable, or worse have lost control. You have a stalker. This person will not accept your letting go, the finality of any and all contact, or your right to privacy. A stalker has many different motives from fan worship to jealousy. The only thing that each stalker has in common is the inability to release their target by choice.

Yes! You are a target. Whether or not you believe it, the stalker does not see you as an individual, but an object of their desire. This is in an unhealthy guise of a misguided or twisted attachment. You must be honest with yourself and take steps to release yourself from their desire to please or hurt you. This is a serious situation, no matter what level it has reached. Here are the steps:

1. Openly declare to all family, friends and associates that you do have a stalker. The more people know who and what you are up against the better the odds of having someone run interference and protecting you.

2. If the stalker is trying to connect with you via phone calls, letters, e-mails, notes or messages; you may have to seek ways to stave off this contact by changing the paths to reach you:

A phone number can be changed. It is a bit costly, but worth it in the long run.

You can dispose of letters without opening them. And please do not open them and feed the fire of anxiety and worry on your part. If you must find out their intent, have someone else open them and filter the message to you from causing any stress and worry.

Notes and messages are like letters and need to be filtered by a friend or colleague who know the situation.

3. Make a Police Report. Once the stalking has become harassing (and that can be from day one) contact the authorities. Gather your evidence and be sure of the facts. They want a clear and set description of the situation and what this has and could be leading to. Stalking is a serious accusation as well as a crime of personal invasion. Treat it as such.

4. Get a court ordered Restraining Order. This is the ultimate protection for you and allows the police to intervene without question. It may sound harsh, but at times this is your best defense.

A Stalker exhibits some very recognizable traits. Get to know them:
1. They won't take no for an answer. In fact that pushes their button as a challenge.
2. They have above average intelligence, while exhibiting an obsessive, if not a sociopath personality.
3. They are bold and lack any type of personal embarrassment.
4. They may have low self esteem, basing their esteem on any contact with you or others in their sights.
5. They are cold, mean and mean spirited.

No means no! A stalker situation is never one that can be resolved easily. Use the steps stated above and seek safety. All to often stalking victims will think they can handle the situation themselves. Those are the ones that tend to get in so deep that consequences can become dire. Be careful, stalking is a real issue. Handle with care!

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