by Holly Huffstutler

Created on: January 29, 2009

A Little Help?!

[A college aged girl walks onstage, visibly worried, clutching a binder in her hands]

College Girl: Oh God, please let him still be here (pauses, looks up) And I really mean that, please help me out here. (disgruntled) Ungrateful, right, you're thinking here's this girl whose been given everything and she wants help while people are dying in Africa, right? Okay, by comparison, this doesn't mean muchnot to them anywaybut it does to me. Sojust a little help.

[An airport shuttle driver walks in]

College Girl: [looks up] Thanks [runs up to driver, trying desperately to not appear desperate, failing miserably] Hi, excuse me, I need your help with something, I was on your van earlier and I left something on it. I really need it back, my life depends on it.

Shuttle Driver: What did you leave?

College Girl: My box of staples!

Shuttle Driver: The van's already in the garage for the night and I'm tired

College Girl: Oh, you're tired?! [looks up] He's tired, do you believe this?!

Shuttle Driver: [torn between annoyance and backing away from the crazy girl] Yeah, I've been up since 5AM

College girl: Oh you wanna compare? [pointing] 3 am

Shuttle Driver: Ugh, Why?

College girl: 5 am flight to get back in time for my 8 o'clock lit class. NOW GIVE ME MY STAPLES!

Shuttle girl: Whoa, back off kid, just buy yourself more staples

College Girl: A brilliant strategyexcept I spent all my money on cab fare to get back here to catch you in time-

Shuttle driver: I'll buy you the staples if it means you'll go away

College Girl: -and I need those staples

Shuttle Driver: What's so important about this box of staples?

College Girl: The staples within have the mystical power to join paper together.

Shuttle Driver: [Unamused] That would be all staples

College Girl: Just trying to lighten the mood

Shuttle Driver: [walks away] I'm leaving

College Girl: There's a bomb in the staples!

Shuttle Driver: [freezes] Oh god [reaches for phone]

College Girl: Wait! Don't call anyone I was just trying to get you to stop leaving

Shuttle Driver: Airports not traditionally the best place for bomb threats, little girl

College Girl: I deserve that. Here's the thing, I have a very important 14 page paper due in two hours [pausing for what she considers a matter of grave importance on par with bomb threat] and I wrote down my whole bibliography on that box of staples on the plane.

Shuttle Driver: [momentarily diverted] They let you through security with a whole box of pointy metal objects?

College Girl: Guy in front of

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