by Cyndi Li

Created on: January 29, 2009   Last Updated: February 06, 2009

You may find your child is suffering from separation anxiety when you try to leave her with a sitter. For many children, this is a common occurrence that both they, and mom and dad, have to learn to overcome. It is, however, no reason to change your plans and stay home. It may be tough, but with a little pre-planning and cooperation from the sitter, you can help your child work through her emotions and conquer those feelings of anxiety that come with being separated from you.

If your child whimpers and clings to you, cries out in protest at your leaving, and will not calm down no matter what you do or say, she is probably suffering from separation anxiety. There are some techniques you can use to help ease her fears and make the transition easier for her.

Preparing her for the day you leave her with a sitter

* Have the sitter come to your home for a few visits before you leave your child alone with them. This will help your child get comfortable with the sitter, and they won't seem so scary when the time comes to leave her with the sitter.

* Tell your child long before you're going out that you'll be leaving and the sitter will be coming over to stay with her. Assure her that you're not leaving for ever, and that you'll definitely be back; this way she will have time to mentally prepare for when you actually leave.

* Give her child a picture of you that she can look at while you're gone. When she gets scared she can look at the picture. It will remind her that you promised to come back and you will.

* Discuss ways that your sitter can help your child work through her fears and help her calm down after you leave. Such as letting her play her favorite game or reading her favorite book to her.

* Establish a routine that centers on when you're leaving. Each time you're going out, help your child pick out a few stuffed animals to take to bed with her that night or pick out a snack she can have after dinner. Doing these things when you are getting ready to go out will be familiar to your child and give her a sense of security.

What to do when the time comes to leave

* Under no circumstances should you sneak out to avoid a scene. This will only cause her to experience more anxiety when she realizes you're gone. Although she won't know how to express it to you, she will have feelings of abandonment. The next time you go it will only be worse as those feelings of abandonment return, causing her to cling to you even more.

* Don't linger around trying to calm your child down. It's OK to say a few comforting words, but don't make it last too long. The longer it goes on the more she'll feel like she can manipulate you with her crying. She'll also sense your apprehension about leaving her which will increase her apprehension. Say your goodbyes, promise you'll be back and leave.

* Never give in to your child and stay. This gives total control to her and she'll automatically throw a fit whenever you try to leave. As stated before, keep your goodbyes short and loving; reassure her you'll be back and leave.

* Have confidence in your sitter. You may feel as if staying is the only way to calm your child down, but it's not. Remember, you've already sat down with the sitter and gave her strategies for helping your child calm down after you leave.

Many children settle down very quickly when these techniques are implemented. The transition may take some time, but if you are consistent, it will certainly happen.

Above all remember, your child will work through this. With the support of the sitter, and the reassurance, diligence and patience of Mom and Dad, your child will soon reach the point where she runs to the front door and opens it for you.

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