by Barb Jackson

Created on: January 29, 2009

I think coed sleepovers can be quite acceptable in many instances and for a variety of reasons. But it is still the parents house so it really depnds on the parents values and expecatations. Whether it be same sex or coed sleepovers, I do think the parents need to be accepting and trusting of the other teen or teens involved, before allowing it.

In my situation, my 16 yr old daughter's boyfriend sleeps over at our house quite frequently, and yes I allow them to share a bed. But that is based on the fact that they have been together for over 3 years now, I love him to death, i trust them, and I know that they will be discrete in their sexual activities. I love her boyfriend to death and he's become part of the family now. And yes my daughter is on birth control, they are monogomous, and their relationship is based on alot more than just the sex. If it was not a healthy relationship, I would not permit it.

There is nothing teens can do during the night that they could not do at other times of the day, and allowing them the intimacy of sleeping together in a comfortable and safe environment, is far better than having them "practice thier gymnastics" in a compact car in the middle of the woods. For me I'd rather know where they are and that they are safe. I accept their relationship and their committment and love for each other, and although I do not encourage their sexual activity I understand it.

There are also many situations where young boys and girls are just friends and no sex is involved. I see it as no different than having a same sex sleepover where the kids are up all night watching movies or just talking. Just because it happens to be coed does not mean that sex is involved. Frienships are friendships regardless of the sex.

Admittedly my parenting style is quite liberal, and I think every parent has to do what they are most comfortable with. I do understand those parents that would not approve of this type of activity however we all have to raise our kids as we feel best. I do think the bottom line however is that the hosting parents must be comfortable with the other kid attending the sleepover, and know that safety or out of line behavior will not be an issue.

So I say, if you know the kids, trust the kids, and it doesn't interfere with your core family values...then allow it. You might be surprized how well it works out. You never know!

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