by Kriszia Vengua

Created on: January 29, 2009   Last Updated: September 06, 2010

He probably said he's leaving his wife. That he was stuck in an unhappy marriage, and has been for a long time. If it weren't for the children, he laments, he might have already left. He said that during these troubled times, thoughts of you were the only things that kept him going, and that's why you fell for it. All of it.

Next thing you know, you're in the middle of an affair.

Clandestine meetings at hotels. Dinners at out of the way restaurants. Little things you took for granted, like PDA's and being able to brag about him to your friends, are now so rare that you cherish them every time you get them. But is this really what you want?

 It may seem exciting now, but here are just a few things you should consider before you jump into an affair.

1. He said he's getting a divorce. But he's not divorced yet. A lot of things can happen between now and the time he signs those papers. Things could get ugly, and he might realize that having a mistress can't play too well for him. Or things can turn out surprisingly well, and he ends up getting back with his wife. In which case, where would you be?

2. Being the other woman." Society might have updated its view on marriage, but not with cheating. It doesn't matter how unhappy he says he is, because in everyone's eyes, you're still a mistress and a home wrecker. Can you really risk losing other people's respect?

3. If he's cheating on his wife... Then chances are he might also cheat on you. It's not karma, just plain statistics. Cheating is a notoriously serial behavior, so chances are pretty high that he'll be a repeat offender. As the saying goes, "How you got him, is how you'll lose him." And you won't even get much sympathy when it happens.

4. The excitement never lasts. Cheating is like skydiving. The simple thought of getting away with something so wrong can send your adrenaline pumping, and leaving you with a heightened sense of euphoria. The problem with affairs is that it's fueled mostly by this thrill seeking behavior: the fact that it's forbidden makes the sex better, and the lack of time forces you to be more affectionate. That's why by the time cheating couples become legal, that excitement is the first one out of the door...and all that love too.

5. Imagine if it was you. Nobody likes to be cheated on, so imagine being in his wife's shoes. What if he has kids, and he and his wife are really just going through a tough time? This may be a period where he's extremely vulnerable, and you're not helping it by aiding his fall into temptation.

The life of a mistress is filled with uncertainties. With relationships like these, you will always be last. So do yourself a favor: even if he makes the first move, walk away. You'll be saving yourself, and another woman, a whole lot misery.

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