by Brian Peters

Created on: January 29, 2009

In our day, divorce has become so socially acceptable that, when problems arise in a marriage, it is often viewed as the first, and sometimes only, option. But is it the right option?

I thought it was for me. About 13 years ago, nearly 12 years into my marriage, I thought divorce was the only option. I was unhappy with my life, blamed it on my wife, and thought I could find the happiness I was seeking only by divorcing and moving on.

Fortunately, through some wise counsel, the help of several caring individuals, and lots of hard work by both myself and my wife, our marriage was restored. As the result of my experience, I can say that there is hope. Hope that even the worst of marriages can be restored and become successful and satisfying.

Before you too quickly dismiss my optimism with the familiar phrase, "Yes, but you don't know what I'm going through," consider this. My marriage was a mess. And I'm just going to be blunt about the facts. I was unfaithful to my wife, addicted to alcohol and pornography, and extremely mean and unloving. And I blamed all of my unhappiness on her.

Having been engaged for the last few years in marriage counseling, I can tell you that the majority of marriages that end in divorce are faced with no greater problems than what my wife and I had. In fact, the problems are often much easier to deal with than these. So understand that when I say there is hope for just about any situation, I speak not with empty optimism but from personal experience.

Now here's the hard part. It's not easy to restore a failing marriage. It takes hard work. It takes time. It takes a willingness to seek help from others. At times it is, at best, frustrating and draining and at worst, demoralizing and painful. But in the end it's worth it.

I have yet to encounter a situation where saving the marriage is not a better option than destroying it through divorce. I know that certain situations involving abuse may require divorce. But that's not what is involved in the majority of divorces today. Most couples are simply unwilling to do the hard work of making the marriage work. Unfortunately, divorce and remarriage to someone else won't solve the problem. Eventually, the same issues will arise in the new marriage.

It is far better, and will result in greater overall satisfaction, not just with the marriage but with life in general, if a couple will commit to do the hard work of dealing with the issues that have brought them to the brink of divorce rather than simply give up.

For anyone considering divorce, this is not what you want to hear. I know, I've been there. You want someone to tell you it's okay to divorce. I just want you to know that there is hope. Your marriage can be saved. It can be what you want it to be. It will take time and hard work, but in the end, it's worth it.

Learn more about this author, Brian Peters.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.