by Leanne Coffman

Created on: January 28, 2009

When we were kids, it was easy. Defiance didn't exist. Our parents simply threatened to kill us if we didn't obey all rules of school, country and home. And though I never was truly sure what it meant to be, "strung up" or "tanned within an inch of my life", I never doubted I would quickly discover if I didn't live up to parental requirements. Nowadays it's a bit more difficult to motivate children. Kids have rights. Certain child advocacy groups frown on hide tanning and stringing up. Parents, therefore, must resort to more creative in means to motivate their children. Producing homework without duct taping them to a chair, idle threats or copping an insanity plea can be done. It just takes control, creativity, and consideration. I call them the "Three C's" of child rearing.

As a former homeschooling parent and single mother of five children, I had at one point everything from a nursing baby to a "tween-something" to rear on a daily basis. Keeping control of my own negative emotions and the surroundings became vital if learning was to be imparted. By this I mean having a place and time, (setting) to do homework. It's difficult to expect learning to happen if you don't have a learning environment. If your child likes to come home and watch television, establish limits. Be clear in advance. Children do not do well with sudden shifts or random change. Provide a place for them that is quiet, comfortable, well lit, and free of distractions. There is a reason schools don't have MTV blaring in classrooms and kids feverishly texting on cell phones while doing SAT's. Making your child work in a controlled school-like environment adds some structure, gives some level of expectations and assists them in concentrating. Not only does this aid in learning, a byproduct is motivation for the kids to finish homework to gain access to television, cell phones and mp3 players.

Taking control of your own emotions is far more complex. Sometimes kids do drive us crazy. Understand your perimeters regarding patience. A screaming match with a particularly stubborn kid does not show control. Nor does name calling, comparing to siblings, or any open act of frustration. If you need to take five or ten minutes to get a grip, do so. Raising kids is like playing poker. Don't show emotions when the cards deal you a difficult hand. One of my children, my only son, was extremely active. Getting him to sit still long enough to read a single word, much less a sentence was maddening. As his teacher/mom,

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