If only becoming a better person were the result of simple desire, our world would probably be a much better place, because who doesn't want to be a better person? But our experience tells us that desire alone is not enough to make it happen.
Desire is certainly a good place to begin, however. Because, in a sense, if you don't want it bad enough you'll never get to a point of doing anything about it. Maybe a better way to identify this starting point is with the term, intentionality. In other words, the process of becoming a better person begins with being intentional in identifying the area or areas in your life where you would like to see change.
So begin by taking some time to identify the specific areas of your life in which you would like to see change. If you're brave enough, seek the input of your spouse or a friend. Ask them, "if there were one thing you could change in me, what would it be." Be prepared for the answer, however, because it may not be pleasant! But it can be extremely helpful to solicit input from others.
Having identified an area in your life in which you would like to see change, the next step is to get a vision in your mind of what change looks like in this area of your life. To put it more simply - what's the end result you're looking for? Write down, in a few words or a brief sentence, the desired outcome of change, the final product, so to speak, in this area of your life.
If you've followed along to this point, you've now identified an area of your life to change, and you have a goal in mind (and written down for easy reference). Congratulations! You're further along than the majority of people who say they want to be a better person. Becoming intentional about what needs to change, and having a vision for what the change looks like, is a huge first step in becoming a better person.
But it is only a first step. The issue now becomes getting from where you are to where you want to be. What's required at this point is an understanding of human nature. It begins with this basic question - what can you control in your life? Can you control your emotions? Can you control your actions? Some people, answering these questions positively, seek to change by "following the heart" (controlling emotions) or by "working hard" (controlling actions), only to discover that lasting change simply never happens through these methods.
Why? Because the reality of the human experience is that the only thing we have control over in our lives is our thoughts. We can control, meaning we can change, what we think. About a person, a situation, a challenge we face, a desire we have. And if we change the way that we think we can change how we act and ultimately how we feel about any given situation or person.
While our world teaches us that we should act out of our emotions, we must understand this never works. A current movie, Fireproof, contains this great line - "You can't follow your heart. You have to lead your heart." Our hearts (emotion) get us into trouble. Our emotions are actually intended to be, not a trigger for action, but a caution signal for bad action (when we think incorrectly and therefore take wrong action, bad emotions follow) and a reward for good action (when we think correctly and therefore take the right action we are rewarded with positive emotions).
The key to lasting positive change is found in changing how we think about a situation. If we can think right thoughts about the situation, correct action will follow. So for that area in which you would like to see change in your life, you must spend time discovering how it is that you are thinking incorrectly, and replace the wrong thinking with right thinking. This may require additional research, reading, seeking input from others. Whatever it takes to discover how to think correctly about this area of your life.
Once you've discovered correct thinking about this area of your life, you then need to get active and intentional about thinking those right thoughts. What you will discover, as you become more intentional about change, is that you are thinking wrong thoughts much more frequently than you might have thought. One simple tool you can use to become more aware of your thinking is the ten penny exercise. Put ten pennies in your pocket before you leave the house in the morning. Now, every time you have a bad or incorrect thought about the area of your life you are seeking to change, move a penny from one pocket to the other. You'll be amazed at how quickly the pennies move from one pocket to the other.
After having done this for a couple of days, you now need to take the final step towards achieving lasting change. You must now change the way you think. So now, every time you think a wrong thought, you must change your mind to think a right thought. And do it over and over and over. Don't quite too easily, don't become discouraged too quickly, because it will take time. But soon you'll find that more often than not you are thinking right thoughts. And your actions will begin to change.
It's not a simple process. It's not a quick process. But it is an effective process. So if you want to become a better person, get intentional about it. Identify a specific area of your life to change; identify the goal for that area of your life; identify how you've been thinking incorrectly about that area of your life; discover correct thinking for that area of your life; begin to replace wrong thinking with right thinking. And stick with it. Because change is possible!