by Samuel Sanders

Created on: January 27, 2009

There's an old saying: "a place for everything and everything in its place."

I'm sure that saying is older than my wife and me combined. I'm sure she's heard it. I know she's heard it. I know I've told her.

Still, drama plays around our house and away from it with an ever twisting tale of madness. "Where are my keys?" "Where are my phones?" Especially, when she's in a rush.

Many times, she finds her keys in the ignition. Of course, the doors are locked and she's in a rush. But, the ignition is a logical place to organize her keys...at least the one that goes in the ignition, when driving.

Her car is not organized enough to say, "hey, dumbass, your keys are still in the ignition!" One would conclude that a smart car would be organized and a dumb car would not. For all intents and purposes, her dumb car is smart enough to make her a dumbass.

She has a company cell phone and a personal cell phone. She also has wireless phones at home. Sometimes she has her associate's cell phone when covering for the vacationing associate. Of course, she drags around two business bags and a purse. The purse is the logical place to organize her phones...except for the phones at home. But, to her, the purse is one of three places to organize her phones, depending on what sort of rush she is in. If her keys aren't in the ignition, they are most likely in one of those.

Bags! Bags! Bags! Which bag are they in today? Luckily she doesn't carry her home phones to work. If she can't find them, I know where my cell phone is. Eventually, we find her cell phones with muffled rings somewhere in the deep recesses of a bag. Guess we could call them drag bags, one: because she drags them in and out, and two: because its a drag to find her cell phones in them.

Why a drag? There's one more place she could have left them. In the car. Of course, not in the ignition, which might be a logical place, precedent set by the keys. But, by the time we find out her cell phones are not in the bags, she rises in drama, swearing she left them at one of her stops. I'll give her credit. She never does that. So I drag myself out to her car, my cell phone in hand, listening to her dumb car. It's usually on the seat, in the tray between the seats or thrown in a plastic bag with odds and ends on the floorboard. Dumbass! We know the car won't tell her that. Think I will? Last thing I need is to be driven out of the house, cell phone in hand, looking for a place to stay. At least, I'd know where my cell phone is, even in a rush.

Perhaps the problem is that most things are not nailed down in their places. Of course, such things are man-made and as such run the course of high drama. But, God had the good sense to put our genitalia in their places, so they never get lost. We never have trouble finding them. It's the one time we're not in a rush.

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