by Robert Stadnik

Created on: January 27, 2009

No one likes telemarketers. People get upset having to spend minutes of their precious lives listening to a pitch about some great, amazing, break-through product no one can live without. But what many consider an annoyance can easily be turned into fun for all, of course at the expense of the telemarketers. Here are some things you can say to telemarketers to brighten up your day or evening, some of which I have actually used:

1) No matter what the telemarketer says only respond with, "Como se what?"

2) Slam your hand on the counter and yell, "Argh! I've been shot!" Hang up the phone.

3) Breathe heavily into the receiver. If the telemarketer continues their pitch throw in a few moans here and there.

4) Act like an answering machine and continue to talk even if they try to interrupt you. "Hi, you've reached (so and so). I'm on the line right now but rather slice my wrists than listen about the crap you're trying to peddle. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!" Hang up as they leave a message (some will).

5) Say you're ovulating right now and too busy making a baby. If you're a man tell them the same thing, it'll confuse them.

6) Take the phone up to your stereo and blast music into the receiver. Wait one minute and check if they hung up. If the telemarketer is still on the line pump up the volume and try again.

7) Tell the telemarketer they sound hot and you think you're in love with them. Propose marriage.

8) Repeat everything the telemarketer says verbatim.

9) Tell them you can't talk right now because you're in the middle of a hostage negotiation which is being televised by CNN at the moment.

10) Ask them if they are your mommy or daddy.

11) Apologize that you'd love to hear about what they're offering but the voices in your head are telling you it's time to begin your three week murder spree.

12) Laugh uncontrollably over the phone.

13) Cry uncontrollably over the phone.

14) Say you'd love to hear about what they are offering but advise them you have Tourette's Syndrome. As they give their speech scream profanities into the phone, apologizing to them in-between each "outburst."

15) Let them give their entire pitch. When they ask if you're interested tell them you weren't listening and if they could repeat everything they said. Repeat until they hang up on you.

16) Get the number of the telemarketing company and call them back repeatedly asking them if you can buy Hook-On-Phonics.

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