by Todd Pheifer

Created on: January 27, 2009   Last Updated: January 30, 2009

Crucial connections

The relationship between a parent and a child is precious and one of the most important connections in human existence. In a best-case scenario, there is always trust between the parent and the child but sometimes the reality of behavior creates rifts in that relationship. When a child or a parent violates that trust, there is a need for forgiveness so that the relationship can move on. Still, there are many factors in how this occurs. Here are a few thoughts on how to move from forgiveness to trust.

Understanding process

The movement from forgiveness to trust is a process. Unfortunately, actions cannot be undone and there is often residual hurt and emotion that is connected to grievances. Forgiveness to trust can happen but people also have to remember that it isn't as simple as just putting procedures in place. Humans are still humans, and relationships are complex.

Emotions

As mentioned, emotion is a powerful part of being human. It is something that makes some experiences amazing and other situations very painful. When dealing with forgiveness, people must be aware of their emotions, particularly early on. This is why making decisions right away should sometimes be avoided because rational thought is sometimes ignored when people are upset. It is difficult to separate emotion from the equation, but people can at least be aware and attempt to manage their feelings.

Remorse

There is a key component of the healing process, which is remorse. In other words, people have to be genuinely sorry about the things that they have done. For some situations, this is the barrier to forgiveness and trust because people aren't always that sorry. They may be sorry that they got caught, but they fail to grasp why they did was wrong. If people sense a lack of remorse, they may be less likely to forgive and move towards trust.

Time

Sometimes things just take time. For the person who wants to re-earn trust, that time can seem like an eternity. Unfortunately, time cannot always be rushed and people may need for things to "blow over". Again, emotions are often involved and people sometimes have to wait for their feelings to change.

Chances

Shifting from forgiveness to trust may require certain situations to occur. For example, a child or parent may need to wait for new opportunities where trust can be earned. Again, this can be frustrating for the person who wants to regain a prior status, but certain types of situations cannot be manufactured. Rather, they must materialize

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