by Patricia Cunningham

Created on: January 27, 2009

When I was a kid, a traditional family consisted of mom, dad and children. The Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver families of the 50's and 60's are long gone. Today, many families have just one parent at the helm and although lots of juggling of time and energy are required, single parenting can be a rewarding, effective and enjoyable.

Some children are born into a single parent family. It's all they've ever known. Other children belong to single parent families after divorce, death or separation. This requires a bigger adjustment for the children since they tend to compare their old family to this new situation. They didn't ask for a new family life and can have trouble adjusting to it.

Here are some guidelines to keep in mind while single parenting:

1. Talk to adults about your situation. It isn't a child's "job" to provide emotional support for what you're going through. When I divorced, my ex-husband took our young children into his arms and cried "What are we going to do?" This put the burden of "fixing" dad on them. That's unfair and overwhelming for a child. Seek comfort from family, friends or a counselor.

2. Assure the children that you'll all be fine without the other parent living in the house. What children really need to hear is that even though circumstances have changed, you are still in a loving family and their needs will be met.

3. Don't be negative about the other parent in a divorce. It's easier said than done. However, the deep feelings a child has for BOTH parents should continue unless it is dangerous for the child to continue a relationship with the other parent. Encourage conversation with the parent that has left the household and don't pry into the other parent's new life.

4. Encourage the children to express their feelings about this new arrangement. It may be tough to hear, but it's important that they are free to tell you how they feel about it. They may be angry or sad or in some cases relieved. We don't know until we ask!

5. Don't assign new roles to a child in the absence of the other parent. It's unfair to say "You're the man of the house now" or "You'll be cooking and taking care of the baby since your mom isn't here". They're just kids and need to feel that way.

6. Arrange for fun family activities. Make a "game night" once a week for playing board games or cards. Take each child for a few hours to do something they enjoy. Spend free time together. These things make a child feel important and fun to be around.

What your family "looks like" doesn't matter. How you handle your job as a single parent matters. Take time to adjust and get on with day-to-day living! Take time for yourself too! Be kind to yourself. It will make parenting challenges a little easier.

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