by Bridget Webber

Created on: January 27, 2009

The frightening thing about stalkers, is that like most sociopaths, you cant recognise them as a type by looking at them. They may appear to be a perfectly well balanced, polite neighbour or co-worker, who is friendly and interesting. They may hide a mental illness under a happy smile when you first meet them, or they may seem needy and so illicit your sympathy.

The chances are that you may have some form of contact, early on before the stalking has begun. This may be a light conversation or even less. Or it may be that you meet them at work, or are introduced via your social circle. Whatever way you meet you will most likely be totally unaware of what is to follow.

There is also another type of stalker who will simply pick you out from a crowd and focus their attentions on you for no apparent reason. The reason that they have in their own mind may be a total fabrication of facts, mingled with reality, which seems to be right to them.

So it would seem that we are all vulnerable to been stalked if such an imbalanced person is on our horizon and we are unfortunate enough to be singled out by them. But how can we do our best to handle them?

To begin with, if your stalker is known to you and you are forced to be near them on occasion socially then don't give them any information about you. Don't be kind or unkind. Give them nothing to focus on by avoiding them where ever possible, and by not responding to them at all if you are able.

Keep a log book where you enter the time, date and occurrence of any disturbance created by them, or any time that they are observed following you. Also don't be afraid to tell others what is happening so that they become your support network and witnesses.

Even if your stalker hasn't done enough to be arrested you can still file a report at a police station. Making it clear that you feel threatened or scared to authorities is a good move as a record can be kept of your reports to them.

If you have any concerns about the stalker and your own security then be prepared to change your locks to your home and your telephone number. You can also have safety locks fitted, a door alarm and a security camera if you feel that its necessary. This is not paranoid behaviour on your part. You are not the one who's unhinged. Its just sensible behaviour in order to help you attain peace of mind and achieve a good nights sleep.

If the stalker attempts to verbally contact you then the best that you can do is appear to ignore them, even if you feel like shouting at them to leave you alone. Anything that you say will be regarded exactly as the stalkers mind makes it into, therefore you cant get it right by saying the right thing, as there isn't one.

Hopefully, your good work by not giving the stalker any fodder will force them to move on. If not then it is important to keep authorities up to date about occurrences, keep your support network in place, add any incidents into your own log book and find out what you need to do to attain a restraining order so that it becomes official that the stalker needs to stay away from you.

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