by Nan Einarson

Created on: January 27, 2009

It's important to remember that trust and forgiveness work both ways - from child to parent, and from parent to child.

A child comes into this world totally helpless and incapable of survival without implicitly trusting that the adults (parents) in his/her life will provide all of the basic necessities required for living and thriving. As long as the child receives the basics of survival - food, clothing, shelter, protection and safety, physical, emotional and mental stimulation, love and need are all wrapped up together with trust.

Throughout the child's toddler and preschool years, even as the child learns about boundaries, the rules about right and wrong and the difference between them, and the consequences of disobeying parent and societal norms, the absolute trust continues, unquestioningly, as long as their needs for basic survival and personal growth continue to be met.

So, at what point does the trust a child feels for a parent become at risk? It is the first time that the child believes that the parent no longer has his/her best interests at heart, the first time the parent breaches the child's trust. Up to that point, trust is given freely, unquestioningly. After that, trust is something that must be earned.

Unfortunately, in some horrific cases, small children receive abuse and/or failure to provide the necessities of life from the adults in whom they placed their trust . In such cases, they learn to distrust at a very early age, and it is heartbreaking when that scenario occurs, because it would take a very long time and intensive therapy before they could ever if ever, trust again.

For most children, they learn from their early years that it is to their advantage to give adults, especially their parents, the benefit of their trust, because parents are the source of their lifestyles. Even though they may challenge their parents' decisions, rules, or actions from time to time, children give their trust easily.

Parents are human beings and as such, are imperfect, fallible beings. As a species, we are given to making mistakes and misjudgements. Those who want to be the best they can be as individuals are open to taking risks and making errors, and view mistakes as opportunities for learning and growth.

Why is it then, that many parents pretend to be perfect and would never admit to any child, least of all their own child, that they made mistakes? Many parents wouldn't be caught dead apologizing to their children, and view being wrong as a sign of weakness

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