When we had to put our German Shepherd cross to sleep at the age of fifteen I was devastated. She had been my shadow for so many years, and we shared so many memories. It was hard for everyone who knew and loved her, but she had always been 'my' dog, and I found it hard to cope.

One thing that really helped me early on was to write a letter to her telling her all the good things I remembered, and all the things I wished might have been different. I especially wrote about the end of her life. She was in pain from arthritis and on constant medication. There were so many questions: Did we wait too long and put her through unnecessary pain? Would she have 'come good' again? What would she have wanted for herself? I sometimes thought I would have given anything for a ten minute conversation with her.

I never showed the letter to anyone, of course, and when I'd finished it, I read it aloud (when I was alone), and then burnt it and mixed the ashes with her ashes before they were scattered. I know it sounds crazy, but it really helped to get all those thoughts and memories down on paper. Writing the letter was a painful and emotional experience, but it did help me to let go and say goodbye.

Another thing that helped was to accept the fact that the grief for a dog is as real as the grief you feel when losing any other close friend or family member, especially if the dog has been with you every day and has been treated as a member of the family and as a companion animal rather than a 'pet'. It helps to accept there will be a vacuum for a time after the loss of the dog, and to accept that no other dog is ever going to really replace the lost one. Every dog is different.

One of the hardest things about losing a dog is that there are people who do not understand or empathise, and who will tell you to 'get over it', or who say: 'it's only a dog, so get another one.' These sorts of people do not understand and probably never will, and it helps to avoid them during your time of loss and grief, and talk only to those who do empathise with what you are going through.

Losing a loved dog is the same as losing a member of the family, and the grief and loss felt are the same. It is important to recognize this and to allow yourself to fully experience the grief in order to let go and move on. It takes time, but time does heal eventually, and one day you will be left with just the happy memories.

Learn more about this author, Lin Edwards.
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