by Marcy Volbert

Created on: January 27, 2009

My best friend and I have know each other for over 20 years and when I lived a little over two hours from her, we would pick at least one weekend a month that I would visit for the entire weekend. She had been married for a little over a year, even though her and her husband had been together for 9 years. So by this point I knew her very well. I could tell what was going on in her life just by talking to her on the phone, and more so if I was with her in person. During one of these weekend visits her and her husband had some friends over to play some games.

At one point in the game I noticed something, my best friend and one of the guys were laughing, joking and acting different toward each other then the other members of the group. To me there was something about the way they looked at each other it seemed a little to happy or even secretive for two people who were just friends.

Later that night I brought to her attention my observations, she admitted to me that they were having an affair. Knowing my feelings on married persons having an affair, she explained that is the reason she didn't tell me when things started to grow with this guy. I knew that her and her husband had problems for a while and they had been trying to work through the issues and this relationship with the other guy just happened. She also confided in me that she felt confused and a little ashamed of what she was doing. We had a very long talk about why she was cheating on her husband and what she wanted to do about this guy.

During our conversation I explained to her and made her fully aware that I didn't agree with what she was doing, but I would support her. If her decision was to leave her husband for this guy I would support her. Her and her husband did not have the greatest relationship and he was not the right person for her. He had personal issues that he needed to work on, she tried to help along with raising their two children and it all became too much for her. She explained to me how it all happened, one day she began talking this other guy, during a gaming session and they connected on a level that she had never connected with her husband. He listened to her, wanted to know what she thought about things and she came first to him.

As I began to spend time with my best friend and this guy, I could see that she was a different person, a happier person. Again we talked about how I didn't agree with how she was doing things, even if I could see how happy this guy was making her. She was truly happy, not the "of course I am happy in my marriage", when you can see in their face that they are not happy but say they are because they are suppose to be.

Overall, you have to be supportive of your best friend even if you don't agree with what she is doing. You have to express your feelings to her, on how you feel about what she is doing but explain that you will stand behind her no matter what. Don't shun her or walk away from her and most importantly don't be the one to tell her husband what is going on, that is her place and only her place.

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