by Patricia Rainford

Created on: January 26, 2009

At some point, it gets exhausting. Grandma calls to ask you to come vacuum under her bed. Your Dad asks you to pick him up from work when his car dies. Your brother wants you to pick up his dry cleaning. Your sister asks you to take her daughter to the dentist. Your family suffers from the ignorance that runs rampant the minute you became a stay at home parent. They think you have all the time in the world to go run their errands for them.

They imagine you sitting there with the remote in your hand while the kiddies play around your feet, watching whatever network of soaps you prefer. You know different. From the time you get up in the wee hours of the dark morning until you settle your head on your pillow at night, you're going, going, going. There's floors to mop, toilets to clean, not to mention the messes that your children create just for you! along the way. You have your own errands to run, your own shopping to do, your own doctor's visits.

The truth is, no matter how many times you try to convince your family that you just don't have the time to do their chores and yours too, they just won't get it. They will be completely convinced that you are blowing them off for some drama time with your favorite soap character. Nothing you can say will convince them otherwise. Some of them will even be mad at the fact that they have to work and will believe that you owe them your time because they work hard and, in their opinion, you don't.

So how do you keep peace in this situation? How do you let them know that you just don't have the time and energy to be running their errands and doing their chores? As harsh as this sounds, you can't. You can either say yes to them all the time, thus reaffirming their short sighted beliefs and running yourself into near exhaustion, or you can avoid them altogether. Assuming the latter just isn't an option for you, then in order to keep peace, you say yes to everything. But this puts added stress on you. Not only do you have to do your job but everyone else's. Within a few days' time, it will begin to wear you thin to the point where you will begin to snap at your husband and children. You'll lose sleep. You'll become unhappy and depressed. Your sanity will begin to leave.

If you are already there, it's time to get out now. It's time to reclaim yourself. It's an unsavory idea at the very least to have half of your family peeved at you because you've told them no. But keep in mind that your stress level affects your health. An early death awaits you should you continue the behavior. I know you desperately want to convince them that you have enough on your plate but it's not gonna happen. So which is worse, stress of having too much to do or stress from your families' sunken demeanor? It may be a little hard to swallow at first but they will eventually get over being upset with you. Things will return to normal in a matter of weeks, even. After all, whether they get the idea or not, subconsciously they know they shouldn't be burdening you with their work and will be back to their old selves before long.

Keep your sanity. Just tell them no. You really have nothing to lose. Stay strong and don't be sucked in by guilt. Your husband and kids depend on you.

You have to be able to depend on yourself, too.

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