by Michael Pitre

Created on: January 26, 2009   Last Updated: August 01, 2011

"I remember the first time you said that you loved me," whispers a lover to another during a pillow-side conversation. Both hearts leap, as if hand in hand, while the two lovers gaze at each other in admiration. What power lies behind the words, "I love you," when spoken for the first time?

Secret thoughts of fondness and subdued desires create mystery in the beginning, betraying their own confidentiality just enough to pique curiosity. If the feelings between two people are mutual, the expression of those feelings will intensify gradually, like the crescendo of a symphony, reaching a climax when the magic words are finally revealed. Since the timing of these words can be so influential to their effectiveness, we should use them carefully, lest we say, "I love you," too much.

A relationship can fail for many reasons, but you'll never hear anyone say, "I couldn't stand it anymore because everything felt as exciting as it did in the beginning." The thrill of togetherness fades when those things that once were special fall into the dreary realm of daily routine. If we could only focus on these observations, we might realize the necessity of continually weaving suspense and wonder into our relationships. Yet, when the words, "I love you," become as empty and familiar as the ringing of an alarm clock and the morning traffic, some will say this is the natural way of things—the path that all relationships must take. Must we submit to this seemingly inevitable defeat? Or, perhaps there is hope, if we're willing to venture beyond the walls of archaic tradition.

Tradition has always emphasized the use of symbolism over substance; the preservation of procedure in spite of reason. A dozen roses is said to be symbolic of love and romance, and yet, even in the absence of love, these flowers are available to anyone with cash or a credit card. When Valentine's Day emerges from the calendar, calling forth for us to provide a testament of our love, Cupid seems to favor those who buy his traditional products. Whether the gifts given are bouquets, jewelry, or candy, happiness often hinges on these symbolic items.

In the same way, many subscribe to the belief that you cannot progress into a fully committed relationship without either buying, or receiving, an expensive diamond ring. In other words, if someone is willing to buy it, then their love must be true. And so, it only follows that we're encouraged to hang our hopes on hearing the words, "I love you," constantly in a relationship, because tradition implies that if someone is willing to say it, then it must be true. And if someone isn't saying it, then maybe it isn't true, and we should worry. Even worse, if we know that not saying it is causing someone to worry, we might say it out of a sense of obligation. This is the destruction of romance.

By freeing ourselves from the bonds of such tradition, we allow ourselves to look beyond the symbolism and notice the sincere, silent, immaterial demonstrations of love and loyalty that can happen every day. We no longer have to rely on the words, "I love you," to sustain a relationship. Instead, we can rely on what is shown to us, and, in this way, also avoid taking these things for granted. The words, "I love you," liberated from the slavery of routine, sparkle with magic once again.

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