by Kriszia Vengua

Created on: January 26, 2009

There she was: your soulmate. Everything you looked for in a partner, she had. Your views mesh, you like the same things, your habits compliment each other. You even vote the same way! Life with this person would have been perfect except for one thing: their child.

He's unruly, disrespectful, and from your point of view, spoiled rotten. You've tried everything you can to get through to him, only to realize one thing: he hates you. He really, truly does. Still, you know that the key to her heart lies with you and her child's acceptance.

So what can you do if you and your significant other's child do not get along?

1. Ask yourself how much you want this relationship. Let's face it, the kid is not going anywhere, and she're more likely to kick you out the curb than him. Having a successful relationship with a single parent also means having a good relationship with their child. If you're not willing to stick around to do the work, then there's no point in wasting your time by staying.

Entering into relationship with a single parent may one day require you to take on a step parent role, and if this isn't something you want, or are willing to work hard in being, then you may to just cut your loses and walk away.

2. Talk to your partner about the problem. He may be her child, but as the adult, everything is ultimately her decision. She knows her child better than you do, and if you're willing to go the distance, then you need her help. Open up about your concerns, but do it in such a way that isn't insulting. This is still her child that your talking about, and she may interpret your comments as a jab at her way of parenting.

Tackling this problem together may be your first test on how well you work as a team. Not only will you get an additional insight as to how you might work as a married couple, but she'll love you even more for trying.

3. Find out what the real issue is. It's not easy for a child to grow up in a broken home, especially when he still sees both of his parents. It places a lot pressure on a child, and often times he'll take any excuse to act out. While he may not appear to like you, it's still important to find out why. More often than not, it has nothing to do with your character, but a lot more to do with what you represent: less time with his mom, the idea of you replacing his dad...it could be a myriad of things that he thinks is threatening.

So talk it out. Get counseling if you have to. It may not be easy in the beginning, but the process of getting to know each other, and eventually love each other, may be the first steps into building a family.

4. Treat them as you would your own. Parenting isn't easy, whether or not they are your flesh and blood. If your relationship with the both of them to succeed, you need to love him as you do his mother, and be ready to offer the same kind of commitment. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. You may not be replacing his father, but it's important to show that you'll be there for him as well. Love them as you would your own children, and painfully but surely, they will one day turn around and love you back.

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