by Marcy Volbert

Created on: January 26, 2009   Last Updated: May 11, 2010

Personally, I do not think it is ever okay to date your ex-brother-in-law. When my sister and her husband (my brother-in-law) got divorced, he actually began pursuing me. He asked me out several times and each time I declined. My ex-brother-in-law is a great guy; and I was very upset that my sister and he were getting divorced, but I didn't want to date him. The first few times he asked me out I thought he was joking, but when I was home sick one day from work, he sent me flowers, it was then that I knew he was not joking and I had to sit down and talk to him. I explained to him the following reasons are why I would not date him.

The top reason not to date your ex-brother-in-law is because he is like a brother and was part of the family; in some cases he still might be considered part of the family. He has been married to your sister; they might have kids together, (which would make things even more complicated), and it would just be weird for everyone involved. Your sister will have something to say, even if she says it is okay to date him, it is still going to be confusing, strange, and even uncomfortable for other family members. Think about it, would you want your sister dating your ex? Depending on how long he has been a member of the family people in the family may not understand how you could do that to your sister.

Even though there is no law against dating or marring your ex-brother-in-law it is just not a good idea for the family or for you. Think about the reasons that your sister and brother-in-law got divorced. There may be more there then what you were told. Remember there are always two sides of the story. Even if they got divorced due to infidelity on the part of your sister, you still need to faithful to your family and not date her ex.

Your family is always going to be a part of your life and even if your sister and her ex husband do not have children, dating him may cause ill feelings though out the family and may even put a barrier between you. If it does not work out you then have to work hard at trying to put the pieces of your relationship with your sister or family back together, all over a guy. If they do have children together, even though not officially, he is still a member of the family, he is the father of your niece or nephew. If you would begin dating him, think of how confusing that would be for the children, and if you would have kids, they would be their half sibling and their cousin.

The best option is to just stay clear of dating your sister's ex and that should avoid any problems. Even if you are in love with him, and you can't help who you fall in love with, you have to look at the entire picture and the pros and cons of how it will affect the rest of the family.

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