by EnnisP

Created on: January 26, 2009   Last Updated: February 23, 2009

Discussing racial differences with your child is NOT an easy thing to do. It is necessary, unavoidable and inevitable but should never be approached glibly. The discussion is engaged by everyone eventually but can just as easily result in a negative outlook (racism) as it can a positive one. It should never be left to chance and should always be guided by careful forethought. The words you choose, your tone of voice and the occasion of the discussion all send separate and distinct messages. Very few racists will admit to being so and usually come across as condescending which is nothing more than latent, well masked derogation.

Fortunately, there are actually very few real differences, although they have become the basis for discussion in several books. Many so-called differences are only imagined and the ones that do exist are mostly visual or cultural. All mental and physical abilities, and every genetic condition, both good and bad, are found in every race. You cannot stereotypically assign any qualities to any ethnic group. The differences that do exist are points of celebration not alienation. The idea of "difference" should be downplayed.

The conclusion of this discussion should be: "Every person of every race and every culture has the potential to do amazing things and should be afforded equal opportunity and the moral encouragement to do so."

But, in order to get to this end we must wade through the jargon, misconceptions and prejudice that exists. There are several things you can do to help your children gain a right perspective on racial differences:

Be proactive.

Don't wait for your kids to start the discussion on racism. Turbulence around racial issues is constantly swirling. The topic is featured in the news, TV serials, movies, music and in every other form of public media. There is a long history of political debate around race related legislation. Everyone knows it is there and the worst thing anyone can do is turn a blind eye. Your kids will read a lot into silence. Everyone else will also. It is better to open up and speak clearly. There is no neutral stance. Saying nothing in the face of any kind of injustice or stupidity is cowardly at best. Formulate your words carefully and speak up.

Be engaged.

Don't spend all your time in the presence of those with whom you feel racially comfortable. Talk to and spend time with the "other side" and take your kids with you. Exposure is much more valuable than a discussion. Our kids need to "experience" a perspective

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