by Alicia Slansky

Created on: January 26, 2009

Preaching is often what happens at the end of the line. It is a final result of the circumstances that have all ready occurred. If we start out modeling behavior, communicating with our kids, listening to their feelings and keeping our own emotions and behaviors in check during conversation, we will be able to build better skills and avoid preaching the way we have all been taught.

* Show, don't tell *

Let your actions set the example instead of having to tell them how to live their lives. Model your family life the way you expect your children to regard themselves outside of the home. You cannot expect them to behave in a way that you are not willing to demonstrate yourself. This step will eliminate the need for you to explain yourself during a discussion about their behavior. Having to defend our own behavior typically puts a parent on defense and then everything that comes out will be in a condescending tone because we are the parents and we are going to feel that we shouldn't have to explain ourselves to our children. Let them see that you hold yourself to the same moral code you are asking them to adhere to and avoid this trap of parenting.

* Listen *

Communication is a two way street. You need to be able to talk AND listen. It's best to lead off with an open ended observation and let your kids talk to you feely about it. If we start out listening, they are being given the one thing they desire the most, our attention. Try to hold your comments in and really consider which ones need to be spoken and which ones don't. If your point does not come out in this particular conversation, it probably will the next time. Don't force points to be made unless the conversation lends itself.

Have real conversations with them. You don't always need to make talks a formal occasion and when you do, they will feel more stuffy and less productive in the long run. When you are having real, comfortable communication, all the things you used to feel forced to say will come about naturally. Your child will be more open to listening to you when you are listening to them.

* Less is More *

Choose your words carefully. Condense your point into as few words as possible and then allow your child time to talk. If you shorten your talking spells and offer counter point time in between your messages, you will fin that your sermon becomes a lot more like a conversation. Conversation is what you want. We all get on our soapbox from time to time. If you feel yourself doing that, stop at the next

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