by Angela Schmoll

Created on: January 25, 2009

Raising children without a spouse presents parents with a unique set of challenges, not only in taking care of their children on a day to day basis, but, equally importantly, in taking care of their own needs.

The first barrier many parents have to overcome when it concerns their own needs is their willingness to give them any importance. Especially in the case of divorce a parent may feel guilty about why their children are living with only one parent, and so discount their own needs. Other parents may face similar concerns, seeing the needs of their children as more important and therefore disregarding the need to do things for themselves.

As a single parent, however, you have to realize it is important to take care of yourself, too. If you have needs that are not being met, whether they are for socialization, exercise, rest, or even time to yourself, then you are less able to meet the needs of your children, no matter how hard you try. Realizing that you cannot be the best parent unless your own needs are met can be the first step to taking care of yourself.

Most of us realize that we may need a different level or type of exercise than what we can get with our children. Two good options for meeting that need are joining a gym and exercising during your lunch hour so you don't feel guilty about time away from your children, or taking advantage of the video resources available and developing a routine you can do at home while children are asleep, taking a bath, or even doing homework. You can also exercise with your children: walking is great exercise and strollers, backpacks, and varying your pace can make that something you can do with a child of any age.

Often single parents need an outlet in other single parents. We need someone who understands the unique challenges we face. Many communities offer support groups: often inviting children to attend for playtime as well. Such groups provide a good way for both parents and children to develop a peer group that understands that they can talk to. For parents who cannot find time or are uncomfortable with such settings, on-line groups provide information and discussion groups that can meet many of the same needs.

One of the needs we may find it most difficult to reconcile with our role as a single parent is the need for time away from our children, either dating, socializing, or simply spending time alone. You may feel that you shouldn't leave your child with a babysitter or family member, or that you should not even want to, but that is wrong. Parents who are in a couple give each other that space and time, or take evenings out together. That time away from your children is important to any adult and to your child's ability to learn to be less dependent on you. Not acknowledging that need can keep you and your child too closely linked, preventing their independence from developing as they get older and even making some children reluctant to leave a parent they see as dependent on them

Realize that the things you do for yourself make you a better parent, help your children to see you as an individual and not just to meet their needs, and encourage your children to grow and develop their own friendships and independence as well. Once you do that, finding ways to take care of yourself becomes not just a luxury, but a necessity.

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