by Dr. Michael Smith

Created on: January 25, 2009   Last Updated: February 16, 2009

You know the feeling! You stand in the drive as your child leaves for the last time, and you tell yourself they will be back to visit, but deep down inside you know it will never be the same. You slowly, sadly go back into the house that is somehow more empty and lonely than before. How does one face the empty nest? You will never be ready to face it without some serious reflection and possibly changes to your thinking and how you live your life. Here are some coping strategies for dealing with this life altering event.

Celebrate the milestone

Before your nervous breakdown, consider that this is the first step in your child attaining adulthood and self sufficiently. You would not want your child to remain a baby all of his/her life. Neither would you want him/her to remain a pre-teen or teen. That would not be normal. It would somehow be abnormal and not healthy. Your child remaining at home all his life and living off mom and dad would not be a good thing.

Celebrate the milestone and realize you are moving into a new segment of your life. You will still be needed as a parent, and maybe one day as a grandparent, but it will be a different relationship. The great thing is that you will no longer be responsible for laundry, cleaning, cooking, and the host of other chores which fall to mom and dad. Celebrate all the free time, extra money, etc. that comes with one less person in the house.

Develop a new life based on new interests

Do you remember the life you anticipated when you put it all on hold to be a mom or dad? This is a great time to go back to school, finish a degree, and learn new skills in order to be retooled for the twenty-first century. While the work place has changed, many older folks are finding new options and are excited to look at new careers.

Consider traveling with the extra money you are saving. Cruises are an excellent option and usually all inclusive, with excellent entertainment, vistas, and great accommodations, without having to change hotels.

Do not put all the things you want to do until retirement. Too many make wonderful plans for what they intend to do when they are no longer working, only to have illness or the death of one of the pair interfering with the best laid plans. The best practice is to spend a little, save a little, but enjoy some of it as you go.

Re-establish a relationship with your mate

Many couples discover, when their children leave the nest, that they no longer have anything in common. During the child rearing years moms and dads tend to get involved in work, parenting, separate recreational activities, and even separate friends. After years of not doing things together, they are left alone together with years in front of them and nothing to do.

Re-establish your relationship by pursuing a new courtship with each other. Plan a date as if you were starting over and make it exciting. Talk to each other about what both would love to do. If you have mutual musical interests, plays, or maybe even an exciting new restaurant might be something are great ideas you can share together. Dress up for the occasion and enjoy your new found freedom.

Conclusion

Facing an empty nest after pouring years of your life into the kids, while not easy, is not the end of life as you know it. It does take some creativity and proactive planning, but you need to develop new interests and prospects. The new life you create will carry into a wonderful new life.

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