by Jennifer Wagner

Created on: January 25, 2009

My biological father left me when I was three years old, so I never had much of a memory of him. I spent my childhood wondering where he was, if he thought of me, and why he left. Although I told myself I hated him for leaving, I couldn't stop wondering who he really was and why he abandoned me.

My Mother moved on and married a man that later adopted me. That man became my father, my true father. Biology had nothing to do with who he was to me. He took care of me, never laid a hand on me, and didn't leave. He stayed with us, even when I was a rebellious teenager. But still, I thought of my biological father.

It's important for most of us to know where we come from. In searching for our biological family, it doesn't mean that we don't love our adoptive parents. And it's certainly not an indicator that our adoptive parents weren't good to us. Not at all! It's understandable that they would feel that way, but in all honestly, it has NOTHING to do with them. It just a need that we have, as children that were abandoned. We need to understand who the people were that gave us life. Even if it means that we get hurt from what we find out. Not every story has a happy ending.

I searched and eventually found my biological father. It was a disaster. He was a total loser. He was in jail, he was a drug addict, and he stiffed me for over $ 200.00 worth of collect phone calls that he made while in jail. BUT, I'm not sorry I found him. Seeing for myself the kind of person that he was, was the only way I could let go of the curiosity that I had in my heart. It was an expensive lesson, but I needed to know who he was and what happened. The price doesn't matter to me. The hurt he caused me went away, and now.....I don't have to wonder anymore.

If my parents had tried to stop me from finding my biological father, it wouldn't have worked. I would have searched for him anyway, because it was something that I needed to do. The only thing that would have resulted, would have been us fighting.

Did I get all the answers I was looking for from my biological father? No. I didn't. But that's okay. All my life I had worried that maybe he had changed, and missed me, and didn't know how to find me. But after I found him, I was able to see that he is just a selfish person with a lot of problems. I don't talk to him anymore, and I've lost contact again. And I am totally fine with that. I have the never ending love from my adoptive father, and that makes me a lucky woman.

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