by Cristy Friedrich

Created on: January 25, 2009

What Kids Need to Know About Divorce

As a divorced mother of three (two children from my previous marriage, one from my current marriage), I know quite a bit about this subject. I do not claim to be an expert; I do, however, feel that my kids are getting the best chance to thrive in a difficult situation. I didn't expect to end up in this situation, and I feel that I did my best to make a crumbling marriage work for the sake of the kids, but in the end, it was ultimately healthier for everyone to make the split. Here is how we make it work.

First, the kids need to know that they are loved and that they are important. My girls were 6 and 4 when I got divorced. They were young enough that they didn't truly understand what was going on, but they were old enough to realize that mommy and daddy didn't love each other anymore. Even though my ex-husband and I have our differences, we have never let that get in the way of our love for our kids. The kids have to know that it isn't their fault that things didn't work out, and that they are still the top priority for each of the parents.

The second thing that kids need to know is that they are safe. Imagine having to live in two houses with two families. Both my ex and I are both remarried. My ex-husband's wife has two kids from a previous marriage, so when my girls are over there, they are part of a big extended family that they have to get used to. I have a son with my new husband, so when they are with me they have to get used to having a baby around. Since we have joint custody, my girls are never in one place for longer than 2 weeks. I find that the first night back at my house they feel a bit disoriented, and they have some trouble sleeping. I make sure that I take them to bed, read them a story, and lay with them as they doze off so that they know they are in a safe, loving environment. Sometimes, my "new" family has to wait while I tend to my girls. The kids need constant reassurance that they are not simply "visitors" in each of their houses, but that they truly belong and are home.

The third thing to remember is that your disagreements and arguments with your ex should not affect the kids. There are many things that I hate about my ex-husband, but I never reveal these issues to my kids. You have to remember that even though you dislike your ex, your children still love him or her. Saying negative things about your ex around your kids is toxic-it only serves to confuse and hurt them. Keep any arguments and fights

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>