by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: January 25, 2009

My dear friend, my first true love, how am I supposed to say good-bye? It's so early yet and our hello is hardly past. This is not the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to have plenty of time to work everything out, to get back together where we belong. When I looked you up to try and fix the mistakes of the past, I found you had a new address. This one was at the cemetary and I fell apart so abruptly and completely. We never even said good-bye. It couldn't be and yet it was.

I have so many memories that I can wrap myself in to take the chill from the nights alone. I remember the first time we talked on the phone and then when we met. I couldn't take my eyes off you and that was fine since yours were just as locked on me. We were so instantaneously drawn to one another. I felt like I knew you forever and at the same time, like I couldn't get to know enough about you. It was strange and wonderful. I believed at that moment in the reality of love at first sight.

The time that we spent together was full of laughter and joy. It was a time in my life that taught me so much and now I am supposed to let go of it. How can I do it? I made so many mistakes. One of the biggest was the day I told you no, that I wouldn't pack up and go with you. I was just so scared. I didn't know what would be waiting for me. I should have known that it didn't matter. As long as I was with you, I was always all right. You tried more than once and still, I lived my life controlled by that fear. What a waste.

If I could have the time back, I hope you know that I would have done it differently. If I could have one wish, it would be to tell you how many regrets you've left me with. I wonder if you knew how much I loved you for all these years? How I've missed you for the last fifteen years. How I've cried for you, sometimes while lying beside another. Does that make me a terrible person? I simply couldn't ever seem to let go. At the same time, though, I felt like I had to go on with my life without you, my one true love.

I know that now is no different for me. Once again, I must go on. It's harder now. Before, I had the hope that one day I would be brave enough to risk it all with you and be really happy. I finally made it to that point and it was too late. So many regrets, so little time. So much left unfinished forever. No more second chances. It's over and here I am, crying for you, for me, for all that never was. There is no good-bye. You live eternal, here with me and above in Heaven. I await our next hello.

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