by Kellie Webster

Created on: January 25, 2009

Grandparents come in all manner of shapes, sizes and personalities. Sometimes they are gentle and quietly spoken, other times they are harsh and gruff. Depending on their personality we need to adjust the way we deal with them. One thing to keep in mind is that no matter what type the personality, the way we interact with them, is teaching our children how to act.

As a parent I want my children to respect their elders but at the same time be equipped to respond to different personalities. As a single parent I have to ensure I take a step back from how I deal with the grandparents in my children's life. I need to assess my needs as opposed to theirs and decide if it is in-line with what will benefit my children the most. I want their support, being a single parent is difficult at times, but I need them to understand their boundaries as well.

My (ex) in-laws evolved from a single grandparent home to a divorced home. They are now two separate entities. So on one hand they can relate to me as a single parent from the product of divorce. However on the other hand they are both craving the attention and love of their grandchildren. Also not to forget my own parents desire to be a part of my children's life. At times like Christmas and birthdays it can be a challenge to fit in with them all.

My ex-mother in-law was especially persistent and demanding. She confessed to me that whilst raising her own children she missed a lot of things because she had to work a full time job. Initially she appeared to attempt to re-live her parenting days through my children. Even to the point where she disciplined my son by "smacking". To say I was not happy was an understatement. I had to step back and take a deep breath before confronting her. In this instant I chose to join alliance with my ex-husband, her son, to ensure she understood where her boundaries were when looking after our children. When dealing with this situation I felt the only option was to be direct and upfront. There was no compromise when it came to disciplining my children. It was my way or the highway, so to speak.

Of course for this one incident there is many in the opposite sphere. Like when she spoils them with lollies, gifts and exciting outings to the beach, movies or adventure parks. When she requests them to come and stay with her week in and week out. I know she loves them, but I have to keep a perspective on how much time she spends with them. That is especially the case when the other grandparents all

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