by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: January 25, 2009

For years, I felt that I was condemned to a life lived as an afterthought of my past. Growing up in as much dysfunction as I had, it seemed that I didn't even know the first thing about what "normal" was, let alone how I could be that way myself. It is impossible to see a future full of things that we don't even know exist and that dooms many people from the start. We must start with a vision if we are to eventually bring it to fruition. There are steps that we must take if we are to become free of the past and ready for something better in the future.

Perhaps the greatest roadblock to letting go of the baggage from the past is when we won't forgive ourselves. We probably don't like who we've been thus far. Maybe we've done things that we're ashamed of and wish we could undo, but we can't. Everyone has made mistakes and we need to let go of the shame that we are covered with and forgive ourselves. We are often even blaming ourselves for the things that we had no control over, such as various forms of abuse. Let it go.

When we have accomplished that, it is time to forgive others. Whether the hurts inflicted on us have been great or small, we are allowing them to destroy our hope for the future when we continue to carry them around. Forgiving does not mean that we put ourselves back in the position to allow the same people to hurt us again. We can still decide that it is best for us to stay away from them, but we let go of the anger that is killing us. We sometimes forgive only for ourselves and that is all right.

Don't fall into the trap of believing that just because your parents did something, you are going to, as well. That is an excuse that people use who don't want to put forth the effort necessary to change the way they see and do things. Yes, it is easier to fall into the same patterns and behaviors that our parents modeled for us but it isn't preordained for us to be chained to them. Remember this, what is expected isn't what is accepted. We don't need to listen to the people who say that everyone lives how they were raised. It's a lie. People break out of those molds every day and so can you.

If you have a past that is making you feel trapped, it is quite likely that you may have suffered some things that have damaged your self-esteem. It is time for you to take a fresh look in the mirror and see yourself through your own eyes and not through the words and actions of others. We are all unique individuals with special talents and traits. You need to find out what yours are and build a life upon them.

It may be helpful, even necessary, to find a good counselor or therapist to assist you in your path towards a bright and happy future. There are times that as much as we want to find healing on our own, we simply aren't able to see the forest for the trees and that is where a well-trained professional can help. They can sort through the mess and find the glimmer of light to lead you to the future you want.

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