by Clare Petzer

Created on: January 24, 2009

Ok I'm smart, I'm funny, exciting AND intelegent there's nobody quite like me uum well thats how I felt at 17 but then I stopped feeling that way and for some reason I felt I had to keep up the persona to convince who er ME.

This column is concerned with the search for inner peace, at age 30 which is where I will be in three months time I think I can say I'm there, however the column was written as a means to finding out whether or not I was satisfied with the career I have been persuing.

Since leaving school a few years ago now I have had numerous jobs, my very first job was at Mcdonalds where I lasted all but three months, then following on from that was more unfruitful job endeavours that I endured. Jobs included working in hotels and restaurants as a waitress/housekeeper after studying catering and hospitality at college from leaving school, moving on from that I went into retail and in between that I worked as a pool lifeguard for three months, a bank cashier for three months and somehow managed to throw in a few weeks working in a factory packing forks, can you imagine achieving all that and I'm not even 30 yet. Mind you its not been all bad I've moved around a bit, worked in a few different places including France for a few months back in 2002 where I like to tell people I had the most fabulous time but in reality that was just another disaster of my twenties, looking back I could have done it so differently but then I wouldnt be at the place where I am today, and my mind wasn't quite where it is today back then.

The truth is I have never been satisfied with anything I've persued over the past 15 years, I don't recall a single moment where I've thought wow this is great I feel really good, apart from when I was propping up a bar somewhere and doing totally sinful things.

The truth is I was displeased with myself I didn't realise at the time infact I only realised as I was writing this article, I never understood why I resented everything so much I resented my life and most of all I always resented the job I was doing. I've always hated being at work, there has never been any pleasure in it for me apart from when I was waitressing in one restaurant and thats only because I was working with my then boyfriend.

I've always had a job for the most part or been at college studying something so my time has never been wasted shall I put it, but I've never felt free even when I thought I was free I never really felt it, I love freedom I like the idea of being able

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