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it can be done by you and your spouse. As you begin to heal your marriage, there are three factors that will help both you and your spouse move forward: grace, truth and time.

Grace is necessary in every relationship, but it's even more important in a marital relationship that has experienced infidelity. You must come to terms with the wrong action your spouse has taken and forgive them. Failure to forgive your spouse will only hurt you in the long run.

We've all met bitter, angry people. Do you think bitter people are born that way? Of course not. Such individuals have suffered some sort of hurt from the hands of another and then held on to that hurt rather than find a way to forgive. The result of unforgiveness is a bitter, lonely life.

So you must come to terms with forgiveness. Be clear on what that means. It doesn't mean you forget what has happened. The human mind is simply not capable of "erasing the tape" of past hurts. You may never completely forget what your spouse has done. But you can choose, in your mind, not to hold it against them. That is the nature of true forgiveness.

Grace alone, however, is not enough to bring about healing. If that were the case, the conditions that contributed to the infidelity would never be dealt with properly. Truth must also be brought to bear. This means dealing, openly and honestly, with whatever it is in your relationship with your spouse that causes you pain and distress. And being willing to hear from your spouse what it is that causes them pain and distress.

Often, especially after infidelity, a third-party will be necessary to help you sort through the emotions and find the truth. That could be a marriage counselor, a pastor, or even a close friend who has experienced what you're experiencing. Just be open to seeking help from a third-party.
The final factor required for healing is time. Just as your physical body requires time to heal, your spirit needs time to heal from the pain of infidelity. Don't expect your relationship with your spouse to "feel" better overnight. Be patient. Yes, patient.

There will be ups and downs in the recovery process. Some days will be better, and you'll think you're on the way to recovery, only to experience a day that may put you right back to the moment when you first discovered the infidelity. But press on. Ask yourself at periodic intervals (like once a week, or even once a month) are things generally better than they were the last time I checked. It may be a cliche, but that doesn't make it any less true - time does heal. When your emotions are screaming at you to run, remember that the pain will recede - in time.

Without question, infidelity is a horrible thing for any married couple to experience. But it can be overcome. In fact, many couples can testify to ultimately having a much stronger and more satisfying marriage after working through the pain of infidelity. There is hope. Through the combination of grace, truth and time, your marriage can be saved.

Learn more about this author, Brian Peters.
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