by Marlin Bressi

Created on: January 24, 2009   Last Updated: December 28, 2011

Red lipstick has no place in the average woman's makeup kit. Much like blue eyeshadow and french manicures, red lipstick is a surefire way to make a woman look like a cheap flusie. Red lipstick looks good on a very small percentage of women; only those with a flawless ivory complexion can make it work. If your skin tone is too dark, or if you have too much red undertone to your skin, red lipstick will look out of place. In order to wear red lipstick, a woman needs nearly flawless skin, devoid of blemishes.

There are also very few occasions where it is appropriate to wear red lipstick. Red lipstick may be appropriate for an evening formal occasion, and is a wonderful complement to a classic black dress. Red lipstick is not appropriate to wear to the grocery store while wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The color red is also very bold and loud. It draws attention. After all, there's a reason why police cars and ambulances have red lights. If a woman wants to make a statement by wearing bright red lipstick, she had better have the natural beauty and complexion to back it up. A plain woman strutting around with red lipstick is the equivalent of a man with a hairy beer gut strutting around without a shirt.

Red lipstick is also difficult to work with. A woman can get away with a sloppy application of lipgloss, for example, but there is no room for error when applying red lipstick. Another thing to take into consideration are the poor unfortunate souls who work as dishwashers. Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean red lipstick off of a white coffee cup? Not only is red lipstick a fashion faux pas, it is also inconsiderate to those holding menial jobs in the food service industry.

Perhaps the reason why red lipstick remains popular is because it makes us nostalgic for the golden days of glamour. Red lipstick brings to mind iconic celebrities, like Bettie Page, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe. Unfortunately, it also brings to mind male goth singers like The Cure's Robert Smith, clowns from the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus, and my Aunt Gloria, who continues to rock the red lipstick despite being sixty-five years old. Aunt Gloria also likes to wear skin-tight leopard print pants and smells like cigarettes, Ben-Gay ointment, and Aqua-Net hairspray.

If red is your thing, please keep in mind that there are hundreds of different shades of red that may be a better choice than fire-engine red. Unless, of course, you are planning on getting a job at the circus.

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