by D. Victor

Created on: January 23, 2009

Organisms die and systems fail when critical functions can no longer be performed. Relationships, particularly intimate ones, are no different in that regard. A relationship is a system that requires inputs from two parties and various outcomes that include fulfilment, companionship and family.

Even though we are social beings and, as such, rely on social bonds; our relationships die. A fraction of these die peacefully; while others suffer a violent death. Some remain on life support; hoping for resuscitation. If we do an autopsy on dead relationships, there'll be enough causes of expiration. Most of them fall under one of several categories.

Starvation

A relationship is an investment. However, you cannot put in all the hard work in courtship and then sit back and watch it grow. Couples must continually work to build and reinforce their relationships; otherwise they will drift apart. While there are many distractions, obstacles and situations that may make quality time seem impossible; you have to create the space for your relationship. Nourish it with quality time and intimacy; or it will die.

Long-term illness

The closer two people are; the more they may know about each other. Conflict is inevitable, but what happens sometimes is that unresolved conflicts, resentment and negative feelings take root in a relationship over time. Major unresolved issues are a cancer that destroys relationship bonds, if left untreated. Usually, the unwillingness or inability to communicate properly is at the root of this.

Missing vital organs

A proper relationship- according to Robert Sternberg- is comprised of intimacy, passion and commitment. If a relationship misses any one of the three components; it will necessarily be deficient. True love is a component of all three dimensions and is necessary for a long lasting and healthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship that misses one or two of these components would die sooner than later.

Poisoned by infidelity

Infidelity comes in the form of sexual indiscretion and emotional cheating. It gnaws at the fabric of a relationship- trust. Any relationship that has diminished trust is a poisoned one. Infidelity affects all foundation of a committed relationship. It hinders sharing because of the lies and deception; thus affecting intimacy. The commitment-factor in the relationship is also tested, while passion is diminished (even before and after the indiscretions are discovered).

Sick from birth

Humans crawl before they walk. Yet still, some people enter relationships and try to sprint immediately. Before getting to know their partner gradually, they make a commitment capriciously or jump in the sack. Inappropriate development of bonds and intimacy cripples a relationship or renders it diseased from inception.

Another possible reason for relationship death is the lack of compatibility between partners or irreconcilable differences. Sometimes, this is a result of people changing. Perhaps, the relationship changed for the worse and help was not sought. A novel reason for relationship death is that it can usually create space for a new and healthier relationship! Indeed, death is not a bad thing in nature; it facilitates renewal.

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