by Ted Sherman

Created on: January 23, 2009   Last Updated: January 25, 2009

Today, maybe more than ever before, parents should have serious discussions with their children about racial differences. For the first time in history, America has elected a President of racially-mixed heritage. It is important that children are made fully aware of the history of race since the first slaves were brought here, through the years from the Civil War, emancipation, continuing discrimination and on to the struggles led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

My children are adults now, but during the 1960s and 1970s they were exposed to the various phases of the problems related to racial conflicts. Except for a few rare occasions when it was necessary in specific troubling situations, I don't believe I ever had to sit my kids down for the basic discussions about the differences between the races. Fortunately for them and their parents, we lived in a mixed neighborhood, and concerning play and school, we never had any serious problems related to racism.

In his early school years, my son's best pal was an African-American boy, and like all kids, they had their good and not-so-good times together. I remember an occasion, when in a fit of anger, my son spat out inappropriate racial names against his friend, and then the pushes and shouts got my attention. I had to run out of the house to separate the two boys from going at it with fists. I sent my son to his room and ordered his pal to go home.

Just a few minutes later, the boy's father, an attorney, came stomping down the street and banged on my door. After half an hour of angry exchanges, and his demand that I discipline my son, we agreed the boys should no longer see each other. Ironically, by the time the father was leaving my house, my son had escaped out of his bedroom window and the pals were outside playing together as if nothing wrong had ever happened.

I did have a discussion with my son later about the wrongness of calling his friend names in anger. However, I believe the boys settled the problem more effectively by themselves than any parental lecture could. Through the years, and even today, my son and I laugh about the fight and his rope descent out the window. Incidentally, the African-American boy went on to star on the high school football team and then to West Point for further feats on the football field. We're still in contact with my son's childhood pal, now an Army major on his third tour in Iraq.

Of course, all parents must discuss racial differences with their children, and do it frequently and effectively. From the very beginning, as babies begin to talk and relate to others outside the home, they should be made aware of and show respect for people of all cultural and racial varieties. Children must have clear understandings of the wrongness of discrimination and abuse of other kids simply because they're "different" in color, religion, physical appearances or in any other way.

It is also the responsibility of parents to continue discussions periodically when the kids reach their teen years, perhaps the most critical time in their finding a mature and correct respect for the rights of others, no matter what the differences. The responsibilites can never stop. Parents must counsel their children when racially-related problems arise, and be there for them when those differences could become serious confrontations. Then, when the teens become adults, they can take their places in society as champions of tolerance and understanding.

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