It's your first date with Mr. or Ms Lucky and you don't want it to come off like a job interview. You have a lot to offer and are truly interested in your date, so your listening receptors are up. How do you break the ice? With the following steps, I will guide you to getting the proverbial ball rolling. These are not set in stone and you can adjust each step to fit you and your conversation.
Starting out. You will never have a good conversation in a busy or noisy environment. Some restaurants, most concerts and homes with prying parties looking and listening in (parents and/or children) will not be conducive to an open and really good first date talk. Keep this in mind as you start in on getting to know each other.
For Men:
1. Women want a good listener and the best way to get the conversation going is with open ended questions. Instead of 'where did you go to school?', try 'what did you think of high school or college or school altogether?' An open ended question will allow them to tell you whether you hit a happy memory or a raw nerve.
2. Women like compliments, but they also like to know what a man really likes about women. It seems a survey, but when do women really get the chance to pin a man down and hear his side of dating and others in the dating world? Keep your answers positive.
3. Childhood memories are good conversation starters, ex boyfriends and divorces are not.
4. I remember in college that I groomed myself to be a better date by keeping up with certain pop culture items that my dates might be into and use them in conversation. I got more into soap operas (including some story lines from the most popular shows). I knew about certain musical artists that I would not necessarily follow. (IE.. I am not a huge country music fan, but when I hear women talk about Kenny Chesney being good looking, I learn more about just what it is that makes Kenny Chesney so popular!) I even read Cosmo and a plethora of other magazines that the women I would date might subscribe to or at least scan from time to time.
5. If you are dating a pet owner or animal lover, you might use that tack to get the conversation going.
6. Humor always works. You don't have to be a borscht belt comic and try to impress your date all night with a barrage of mother-in-law jokes, but trading a joke or two (a quick wit never hurts) will keep the conversation lively. Watch out for off color and esoteric humor. You want them to think that you are fun and fun loving, not a secret racist with a penchant of going overboard.
7. Reality shows! Love them or hate them?
8. Travel is a good conversation starter topic. Everybody has either been somewhere, wants to go somewhere or is planning on going somewhere. Try to find out if your date is more in favor of the beach, the mountains, the desert or if they have their own idea of a hideaway or getaway.
9. Food is a great topic of conversation. There are a million books and articles on food and cooking. There are 100s of TV shows on the subject. You don't have to be a chef or nutritionist to keep up an interesting conversation on food. Diets need to be lumped in with the food conversation. It could be too leading for either party to admit or want to continue on talking about.
10. The best conversation starters are free flowing. Taking a piece of what is currently going on around you and sharing the moment through dialogue.
For Women:
1. Anything that strokes their ego. Open ended questions about their jobs, home life, family and their friends.
2. Sports. If men are reading a Cosmo or two, pick up a sports illustrated. Some women have even been known to look through a Playboy. (Side note: If you are in disbelief that a woman would have anything to do with Playboy, over 70% of the viewers of E! network reality show about the Playboy mansion called 'The Girls Next Door' were women!)
3. Sports Part II. Who are their favorite sports teams and why?
4. Sports Part III Did they ever play sports? Bring the conversation around to their greatness, proficiency and history with a sport/s from the past. Most former athletes have injury stories, you can have a whole conversation about aches and pains if you dare want to head down that weary path.
5. Men love their entertainment. Find out if they are into movies or music or video games. Be sure to see what systems they watch, play or listen to these on.
6. Beer or drinking stories. You may not want to hear any of it, but sometimes it will open up the conversation to funnier, if not police involved stories.
7. Sex. Anytime you want to keep the conversation going, imply that sex is going to be a topic at some point. You will have not only a good listener, but sometimes quite a Chatty Cathy!
8. Men are known to want to fix things. So you can uses home or car repairs as a conversation starter. You may even get that hinge on your bathroom door fixed or a free oil change as a result.
First conversations have been deemed the feeling out period. But with confidence and a real interest in any or all of the steps mentioned above, you will never be at a loss for words. Or any long pauses or a lull in the conversation.