by Ndidi Ngwuluka

Created on: January 23, 2009

Years back, I was invited to a picnic; the co-ordinator asked us to introduce ourselves and state our marital status as well. A guy got up introduced himself by saying his name, where he was from and where he was working and added that he was SSS (single, still searching). When it got to my friend, Ida's turn, she introduced myself and said she was SNS (single, not searching).

She is not searching because she is enjoying every bit of being single. When I thought of it, I realized she is enjoying singlehood because it allows her to be her own boss with little or no encumbrances. She is neither under any obligations nor is she accountable to a partner.

Let's consider the life of a single lady and the benefits: If she is self employed, she chooses to sleep and wake up when she wants to. However, if she is an employee, then she is compelled to ensure she is not late to work. She can decide not to bother with breakfast and leave for work unlike a married woman who would have to make breakfast for the family whether she feels like it or not. As the single leaves her house for work or wherever, there is no obligation to tell anyone where she is going or wait to be permitted before she leaves. She does not have to rush back home because someone needs her attention or she has to prepare lunch or dinner. She comes and goes whenever and however she desires. I remember a married friend of mine once told me to travel as much as I could as a single lady because once am married, I would have to be permitted to travel coupled with the fact that there would be budget control. My money would no longer be just mine but the family's money.

A single lady is free like a bird and if so motivated can soar as high as an eagle. She has no one lording it over her telling her he is he who must be submitted to. So her career or what she wants to achieve is right in her hands to get to the zenith of it no slowing down, no need to sacrifice career or dream for anyone.

Since there is no partner to consider, she does not need to wait on anyone to take decisions unless she wants some advice. A lady who is married and wants to go back to school would have to strategize and rehearse what to say in order to market this desire to her husband and convince him. Apart from that, issues which include funding and the children would be some of the contentions.

She spends less time keeping her home clean because she is the only one in the house. She may find out that she sweeps once a week, washes her clothes twice a week or even once a month and only cooks when she feel like it.

She does not have to spend her life pleasing and attending to a partner combing cookery books to cook the best meals; washing clothes even though she hates washing, cleaning and tidying after him as he litters the house; accepting to make love even when she is tired and worn out; and having to relocate and starting afresh each time he is transferred.

There are times we desire to be alone. However, it is easier for a single lady to get away from it all and enjoy the serenity of being alone than a married woman. The single lady is not faced with the challenges of married life which tend to make couples feel that they have been caged in by marriage. Marriage requires devotion of so much time and energy such that when some are not able to cope or strike a balance walk away through separation and divorce.

A single's life is desired by the teens, envied by the married and welcomed by the divorced and widowed.

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