by Kriszia Vengua

Created on: January 23, 2009   Last Updated: May 16, 2011

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you're hoping to let them down easily. Nobody wants to be the bad guy, even if the relationship is heading nowhere and we desperately want out. We do it with the best of intentions, but often times softening the blow is worse than just giving to them straight, especially when none of the lines are believable.

1. "It's not you, it's me." Sadly, the most common line is also the most annoying. Just because you feel like taking the blame doesn't make people feel less DUMPED. If you're going to admit to being the cause, then have the guts to explain why.

2. "It's not me, it's you." The reverse isn't exactly better. Breaking it gently, you are not. No one wants to admit their faults, and in a heightened situation-such as a break-up-people can get downright indignant. So unless you're up for a final showdown, it's better you shelf this, because it simply gives them the go ahead to go postal.

3. "It's just better this way." It might be true, but that doesn't mean people want to hear it. Relationships represent a huge amount of people's emotional investment: time, affection, and their vulnerability. Reminding them of their failed investments while its value plummets is like rubbing salt on an open wound.

4. "I still love you, I'm just not in love with you". First of all, what exactly does that mean? And how is that supposed to be better? Playing with semantics won't hide the truth: that you simply don't want to be with them anymore. Rationalizing it by saying you still have feelings for them is like handing them an unwanted consolation prize, and a sucky one at that.

5. The famous cold shoulder. Let's face it, there's no worse break up line than saying absolutely nothing at all, yet people still do it. All of a sudden, they're "busy", and your voicemails just stop being returned. Your relationship has somehow entered a philosophical limbo: If I don't acknowledge my relationship, it ceases to exist. And so does the burden called "a break-up".

The bottom line is, there no good way to tell people that you don't love them anymore without hurting their feelings. Breaking up hurts, and if you were in a genuinely loving relationship, you'll both feel miserable for quite a while. So don't prolong the pain and just be honest. If there was an exact reason for the break-up then tell them, but don't try to cushion the fall by shifting the blame.

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