by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: January 23, 2009

Forgiveness is essential to developing a trusting relationship between a parent and child, as it is with every relationship that is to endure the test of time. When you forgive your child and teach them to do likewise when you make a mistake, you are teaching them a much bigger lesson. The lesson is that they can trust that you will always be there to love them unconditionally and to give them a second chance, or a third, or a thirty-third.

This forgiveness is not to be mistaken for forgetfulness. There are consequences to our actions and as the parent, you must be certain that your child is being taught that as well. But, the consequences should not be that they continually get reminded for past offenses. This makes a person feel like they are expected to fail and to continue living in the mistakes of their past and this is a certain way to destroy the self-esteem and integrity of your child.

A perfect example of this forgiveness between a parent and a child happened in my family a year ago. One of my teenaged daughters made a very serious error in judgment and broke a rule. More than that, she broke a law. She had decided that it would be a fine idea to drink some "homemade wine" that one of the boys from her school made in his closet. She wound up in the hospital after being found unconscious in the park where her friends left her. This was definitely the biggest thing to have hit our happy home yet. I was heartbroken and in reality, so was she. But, I forgave her and I made sure she knew it. She could trust in the fact that I would still love her, even though there would be consequences.

Part of that consequence would be that there was a portion of my trust in her decisions that had been broken. That meant that the rules had to be tightened for a time as we rebuilt that which had been lost. Although trust had been lost, my daughter still knew that she could trust in the fact that I was her parent and would do whatever I felt like I had to for her safety. This is all a part of love and forgiveness. I would not allow her to continue down a path of destruction because in forgiving her, I assured her that I knew she could do better.

When we forgive our children, we are telling them by our actions that they can always trust us to love and accept them, even if we don't accept all of their actions and behaviors. There is security in that and in the life of a child, security and stability are key elements to helping them on the path to successful adulthood.

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