by Amy Taylor

Created on: January 22, 2009

Thomas Jefferson claimed in the Declaration of Independence that all humans were "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Why the pursuit? Why not just happiness? Mostly because happiness cannot be guaranteed, not by Jefferson, not by God and certainly not by parents. It is not, I repeat NOT, a parent's responsibility to ensure their child's happiness. And interestingly enough, more harm than good will come from trying. It is however a parent's responsibility to teach children how to find joy amidst all of life's realities.

First we must understand the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is temporary based on external circumstances. Joy on the other hand is permanently grounded in God's presence. Therefore, happiness is ultimately out of our control because outside factors such as other people's opinions, the amount of money you do or do not make or even something as simple as the weather or traffic conditions can steal your happiness. Happiness is fleeting. Joy, however, can always be found. Sometimes it bubbles up and overflows your heart easily, other times it may require a tremendous effort to summon and cultivate it.

Now that you know what joy is, how do you help your children find it in their daily lives? First of all, if you have worn yourselves out trying to make your children happy...STOP! Children do not need a bicycle or a pony or a Wii to be joyful. They do not need a chore-free life, straight As, and a horde of friends to be joyful. What children do need is a heavy dose of reality and a parent who is not afraid to give it to them.

As an adult, and especially as a parent, your life is not easy. In fact, sometimes it is very hard, and not fun, and inconvenient, and unfair. All of that is real life. Don't be afraid to share these things with your children. If your kids think their lives should be easy, fun, convenient and always fair, they will have a very difficult time finding joy in anything they do, now and especially later when they become adults and are forced to deal with the realities of everyday life.

Think carefully about the realities in your lifework, bills, health issues, church commitments, friends, etc. As a parent, you need to find ways of injecting the same type of realities into your children's lives, so that they too may find ways to summon joy even in the midst of difficulties. For example, depending on their age, your children may or may not work outside of the home but they should have chores that contribute to the health and well-being of the family. Or search for a church activity that not only feeds your child's faith but requires something from them in return such as volunteering, service, or some other type of commitment. Instilling as much reality as you possibly can into the lives of your children will give you many opportunities to teach them how to deal with these responsibilities in a joyful manner and it will probably even give them a chance to find a joy that is all their own.

Last but certainly not least, practice gratitude. Take some time on a regular basis to thank God for all of the blessings in your life and ask Him to fill your own heart with joy. Joy, not happiness. As you begin to model joy in the midst of your every day trials, your children will see concrete examples of how they can choose joy in their own lives, now and in the future.

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