by Jennifer Brooks

Created on: January 22, 2009   Last Updated: September 19, 2010

An over-protected child or brat is created by the parents. A parent whether of one child or many, needs to learn how to be both parent and friend. I know first hand that if a child is over-protected then it will leave them confused and feeling rejected. Growing up in an Apostolic Pentecostal Church taught me that I was wrong in clothing, friends, and music. Nothing I did was right. I was so protected, that going to Wal-mart was a vacation.

I ended up marrying the first guy that came along. I worked at Mcdonalds, and so did he. My dad likes to joke and say "We met over a Big Mac." Anyways, he was an only child, and his mother was determined to keep him that way. I had heard the expression, "He's a mamma's boy", but never really comprehended that as being a problem. I remember walking up the aisle, with a thought in my mind to turn around and make a run for it. I didn't listen, and that was a huge mistake.

This guy put his mother up on a pedestal. Now I believe this is a great thing do do, because there's nobody like mom. However, it is wrong when he's hanging on the telephone with her for hours and visiting her throughout the day so much, that we can't be married. I remember a time, when she wanted us to go to Tennessee, to visit her side of the family. Have you ever gotten a deep gut feeling you shouldn't do something? Well, I had this feeling about this trip. I discussed this with my new husband and he agreed not to go. When his mother heard this, she actually came by the house with police to try and talk us into going. Well, i was wrong, and his mother was correct. We were going to Tennessee.

We had almost reached our destination, when a speeding convict in a white car, hit us head on. All I remember was screaming in my mind, "In Jesus Name." Everyone was hurt pretty bad, including my busted eye. Thankfully no one was killed. After all this happening, his mother suggested we still visit all the family. Whatever!

My point I'm trying to make is that when that son or daughter leaves home, you have got to let them be married. They have to learn how to make decisions. It's not healthy or normal to push yourself in those kinds of decisions. I believe you love your children. Why do you think the Bible states for a man to leave his father and mother, and the two of them shall become one. It's their life now.

Also remember to be a parent but learn to trust your child to a certain extent. You don't want to be so overprotective that someday they go hog wild into the world. If you do this, your heading for trouble. My mother was so overprotective that she believed a parent was a parent and not a friend. Well today, it's exactly that. I don't visit much or take the kids over much. There is no special bond at all. Everything was so orderly at home, that I feel like I didn't even get a chance to know her. Now she wonders why we don't visit that often. Don't make this mistake. I'm a mother of three, and they know I love them. I make sure of this. However, they also know when I mean business.

Both of these routes are dead end roads. I encourage you to learn to love, cherish, scold, and let go when you need to. It's a healthy and proper thing to do for both parties.

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