by Rebecca Dyson

Created on: January 22, 2009

When my oldest child left home, I was really not faced with the trauma of the Empty Nest Syndrome. Granted, he had been away at college for several years prior to actually officially moving out so his presence in the family home had been minimal for quite a while. The house was still full of four other children and their numerous friends, so there was no sensation of empty nest.

It does cause some food for thought when that first child leaves, though. The reality hits that someday all of the children will be gone, making their own way out in the world. Fears may set in. Was the child well-parented all those years? Were good values instilled? Will he or she be happy? How will he or she handle those minor issues that parents always put right all those years?

The first thing to keep in mind when the whirlwind of emotion hits is trust. Trust in yourself, and trust in the child. Trust that he or she will be just fine. And trust that they know where their parents are if they need some advice or just a shoulder to cry on.

It is important to avoid being clingy with the departed child. He or she needs to find their own place in the world. If parents are calling them all hours of the day and night, the child won't begin to feel like an adult in their own right. They will think the parents don't have faith and confidence in them. And they might start doubting their own abilities. It is fine to check in now and then - but force yourself to make it now and then. The goal of parenting was to raise a happy, self-confident adult. As difficult as it may be, don't let your sense of loss at them being gone cause you to interfere too much in the life they are building.

Avoid making the child feel guilty. They don't have to call home every day to show they still love you. If you make them feel guilty for not calling or coming by as often as you feel they should, they will be unhappy and that is the last thing you want. If you have other children still at home, focus on them. Continue parenting the ones who still need to be parented and let the fledgling try out his or her new wings.

Once the child leaves home, the parent/child relationship will take on a new dimension and will often grow to a friendship rather than the previous dynamic. Nurture and cherish this and try not to feel like something is missing in your life. And keep the faith that having their own home will enhance their life, not replace the love they have for you.

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